3's Company

Cops wife with a lack of grace

2010-03-24T19:33:00.000-07:00

I dramatically sat my husband down about 1 year ago and told him... "If something happens on the job i don't want one of your captains that i don't know to be the one to break it to me." I proceeded to tell him i would prefer one person, the one i had known the longest that was in our wedding. That way when he came in my crazy, messy, chaotic house he would not be thinking about CPS he would know that that;'s how i roll and have some emotional connection with me.
Tonight the door bell rings... I thought it was Jay because Kendi was screaming daddy. So karly's starts crawling to the door, and Aidan is racing me to the door... when i realize that it is the "one man". My heart sunk... I almost felt faint. i dropped the bag of frozen french fries. I knew what his being at the door during j's shift without j meant! I flung the door open, pushed kids out of the way with my foot and shut it behind me. i practically screamed in his face "WHAT HAPPENED!?!" He looked at me extremely puzzled. I am realizing he doesn't have that "i'm so sorry" look on his face... "Uhh there was a 911 hang up with kids playing in the background, i know your pregnancies don't go well, sooo i just thought i would check on you" All this time he has this look of "should i call your husband and have him come home, cuz lady you are crazy"
I texted him later and told him WHY i freaked out... he was sweet about it... I realized i am one cops wife who has a serious lack of grace!

PANIC & chickens

2010-02-24T20:39:00.000-08:00

It starts with a flopping feeling in my chest... like my heart has turned into a medium sized trout that is flopping around on the ground desperately gasping for air. Then i start to feel like there is someone bear hugging the air out of my lungs. This is followed by dizziness and weakness... I've had panic attacks all my life. I was told by a Dr. that panic and anxiety disorders go hand in hand with ADD. I told myself all though Karly's pregnancy... just one more year then i can take some medication to help me deal with this anxiety. BUT i got myself knocked up just two weeks shy of medication freedom! The panic attacks started coming more frequently. Its not uncommon to have one before i even get out of bed. In high school they didn't have as bad of heart symptoms but there was ALWAYS massive amounts of tears... So i am thankful for, at least, being able to hide their presence!
Through this all I am taking on my fourth child and a little boy who needs some serious TLC. I am also taking on something i swore i would never do... I'm going to be a homeschooling mom! FYI... i am one of those mom's who is thankful for summer break to be over! Not because i want him to leave, but just because him and his sister fight.. and there's the "mom I'm bored"... Oh LORD!
Lately i wake up,i panic, i pray... "Lord confirm this. How can you ask this of me? How can i, the woman who can't keep toys picked up and the laundry done, be in charge of my childs education? I WILL FAIL! What if i screw his life up more than i already have... Confirm this one more time... Daddy please" .......... and He does... every day! Today he confirmed it with chickens... MY first lesson plan. Chickens.... Their eggs, what came first, God creating them, what happens if you put an egg in vinegar, how similar an egg membrane is to a cell membrane, osmosis, and lastly baby chickens... I wanted the finally to be an incubator and live baby chicks... Looked into it... would cost us around $200.. NOTGONNAHAPPEN... dont want something else to take care of that bad! So at awanas Aidan leader was passing out organic eggs... I asked her about them... She's calling me this week with an incubator to borrow for free and 6 fertile eggs.... He confirmed it with chickens, and encouragement!

Changes....

2010-02-20T09:22:00.000-08:00

Karly: has learned to crawl like a big girl (finally). She no longer does the one are army crawl! She has discovered she can pull up on EVERYTHING, she also took her first step (on accident) last week! She is getting so big. Jay and i swear she grows every time she sleeps. She has adding woofing (like a dog) to her growling... Nice! We are weaning her off of her formula and on to goats milk in hopes that that will help with our chronic constipation : ( She got a big girl car seat and no longer rides in her baby seat : ( she is getting so big... She loves facing forward. She is officially 11 months old today.... and again : (! She has very little hair and two teeth!

Kendra: Is still a spit fire! We are learning she doesn't follow directions as well as other three year olds so we are going to start requiring more out of her. I think her dad and i have had sooo many battles with her that was just not something high on the priority list. She has successfully potty trained WHOOO HOO!!!!! Only took one year from the first time we tried! She took a couple ballet classes, but then we thought it best to wait alittle longer, she doesn't have the sitting still and listening skills down to well yet! We are going to look for some other outlet for her! She has crazy hair and is constantly going! She is SOOO funny!

Aidan: has had the most changes this month! In first grade he was diagnosed with ADHD. The dr said it was a severe cast and threw pills at us. Jay & I being naive took them and said thank you. Hind sight... I tell ya... can make a parent crazy with guilt! I have ADD as well a pretty bad case, so i guess we just thought that this diagnosis was unarguable, when in reality he may just be a little boy, or have a very mild case! We should have researched it and seen that there is a multitude of other options besides heavy duty class three drugs (basically speed). We began giving him his "meds" and there was an improvement but over the year and a half we managed to go from 5 mg to 20 mg... 20mg is what i take.... At that point he had every single side effect except one! He went from my little boy to a zombie kid that looked like my little boy but didn't' act like him. When even at 20mg he was still not succeeding in school we got our wake up call. Through MUCH talking, praying, and researching, we are taking him off his meds completely! But now we know that he won't pass second grade if he is off his meds (not to mention the massive layoffs this year will mean a HUGE class size next year) So through research i am thankful to announce that i will be homeschooling him. I am thankful because i can! In this economy its a miracle that i get to be a stay at home mom at all! Next week will be his last week! I will update more later!

Me: at first i was terrified to consider homeschooling... how could someone who also has ADD teach someone else? But the reality is "who better" I know the coping skills he needs to learn, i also know how to let go of things that are less important (my house) in order to focus on things that are (my kids). I also know (although so so hard to do) not to compare myself to other people and wonder why Jessica can have a perfect clean white house and i can't even keep my laundry done or my house picked up! I'm now more excited about it all. This is going to be fun! What an awesome job to get to be the one to turn the light bulb on over his head! To help him explore and learn through touching and experiment rather than sitting and listening! But oh man... GOD HELP ME PLEASE!

Jay: Has had some exciting undercover stuff in his work... He truly lights up at doing stuff out of the ordinary! His new job offers more freedom! Its really exciting to watch! He is supporting all our changes although is also worried that i will need to be sent to the loony bin!

New Baby Whitsell!

We have made it to 11 weeks... wow that's all... i look like i am at least 4 months... i guess that's what happens when you are on your 9th pregnancy... You body is like "I know how to do this... Out with the gut!" at 11 weeks he or she has fingers and toes... teeny tiny ones! Baby W weighs about 1/2 an ounce and is the size of a large lime (2.5 inches from booty to head) It moves and has hiccups.. (although i don't' feel anything yet) My due date is Sept 8th 2010. ALTHOUGH all three of my kids have been born at 28 weeks. Aidan 28 weeks 1 day. Kendra 28 weeks 5 days. Karly 28 weeks 6 days. So that make Baby W's estimated delivery date to be sometime around the 25th of August!

Busy bee!

2010-02-17T08:48:00.000-08:00

Today i woke up at 6:23am to realize my alarm clock is broke... super! jumped outta bed yelled to aidan to get up... made him oatmeal and me something to soothe the upset stomach... Yep gingerale for breakfast... cleaned out his back pack... Oh no there is no clean uniforms... What to do... Check the iron pile.. Sweet... There's one of every piece in there... no time to iron. Stick them in the dryer with a wet blanket and pray- back to nag him to eat his oatmeal faster- give him his meds- finish cleaning out his back pack... a report "Aidan when is this due?" "I dunno" ... Write note to teacher... Make him lunch... "Mom i don't want peanut butter" Ok.. peanut butter stuff back in pantry pull out ham and cheese stuff... wake jay... finish sandwich... Babies crying... why? "KENDRA WHY IS KARLY CRYING" Kendra: "I didn't do it" ! Pick up Karly... Give her a bran muffin in hopes she will poo today...Give Kendra a bran muffin hope she doesn't poo too much today. Make her a sippy of juice... Jay needs under ware... Uhhhh... I look and my laundry pile seriously considering giving him a dirty pair and telling him they are clean... I find an actual clean pair... (i promise) pull Aidan's uniform out of dryer... good enough...Aidan and jay off to school... Dishes... clean up Karly... Karly unloading the plastic Tupperware drawer while i unload the dishwasher... Stick my hand in the sink and cut it on a knife i didn't know was there... Kendra yelling about something in the bathroom... She overflowed the toilet... Run back to grab Karly and put her in the play room... She cries... Clean bathroom... Plunge toilets... Disinfect bathroom, self and Kendra... Talk to Kendra about the appropriate amount of toilet paper... Dog is barking outside... Karly is barking back.. walk in and they are both licking the slider door (different sides) Stop to laugh... No clean bottles must finish the dishes... Load dishwasher get it started... Go throw in a load of undies... need to straighten hair... On to look for a tutu... get distracted by facebook... Back to look for a tutu... Remind Kendra what first position is... Ask her to show me... Remind her to listen to her teacher... sip of ginger ale... feeling quite ill... Think about the rest of the day.. go to make a list and end up at this blog... WOW... It was only 8:45am when i started writing this. The rest of the day will be the same... I have ballet at 10:30- A play date at 12- pick up Aidan at 2:30- Homework and dinner - Awanas at 6:15pm pick him up at 8pm.. Shower and bath-hopefully everyone tucked in by 9pm. I will look back at this blog someday and wonder how i did it... OR wish i had it that good again being that i am pregnant with our fourth!

updates!

2010-02-04T19:34:00.000-08:00

Karly Scooting with kix stuck to her butt!

our awesome gate... and karly's Cracks!

Happy 8th Birthday sweet boy!

CAKE and no teeth

Aidan's Class singing happy birthday!

Diggin an RC track in the back yard

hallelujah

Kendra stuck a key in her ngiht light! It melted the key to her light... She's lucky to be alive!

So i had this grand idea to blog more often so i could save it as a way for the kids to look back into our everyday life... well since i haven't blogged since the beginning of December... We'll just aim at gettin in one a week!
Since then

~ We had Christmas, it was a little tight this year money wise but we still got to have fun. I hopeing do a good job of instilling in the kids the true reason for the season. Happy Birthday Jesus!

~ Kendra started and is very successful in potty training !!! !Yea... and again mommy says "YEA!"

~Kendra Started Ballet! SOOO CUTE! She loves it... She called it ballerina class but it sounds a bit like diarreah class! : )

~ Karly can crawl like a big girl(as of three days ago) Until then she was scooting.. very well and fast but not the official crawl!

~Karly can pull her self up on things and take steps while holding on! Won't be long!

~Aidan started Awanas... So cute... So many memories that come with watching them learn the word of God!

~Aidan has been struggling with spelling so we are trying some new study techniques... update to follow

~Aidan went on an awesome field trip to a museum! So much fun

~Aidan got a early birthday present of a RC car... a nice one.... dad got one too of course!

~Aidan lost his two top teeth!

~we all got the stomach flu so bad... OHHH baby it was bad!

~We built and RC track in the back yard... so much fun! Gave the stomach flu to our good friends the shaurettes!

~ We got an amazing gate that fences in the whole family room... The reason for this ugly gate .... Drum roll please.... I am PREGNANT.... Seriously! I'm not kidding... I really am!

~I am about 9 weeks pregnant! Whoa baby 4 kids... I am already huge! I look like a 5 month pregnant mama... Its probably a mixture of being very bloated and having this be my 9th... yes i said 9th pregnancy! All was going well till this week when my hormones took a turn for the worse... they put me on a huge amount of hormones... 100mg only had 50m with karly... Wow... i am sick all the time! So here are some pictures (none of them have my fat gut in them! you welcome) of the past two months

Ladder, apple, tea parties and failure

2009-12-13T21:43:00.000-08:00

So today i feel like i failed. I feel like i failed as a wife, as a woman, as a mother, and as a child of God. Have you ever had a day where you feel like an epic failure? That would be my today...
I yelled at aidan. Almost everyday i yell at aidan... and kendra... but i think aidan is hurt by it more. I want to stop... i hate that ugly part of me. I do not feel better after i feel worse... But to make it worse it was for a stupid reason.

I have a stomach ache.. I've had one for about 4 months mayben more now. It hurts first thing in the morning and about 30 mins after each meal, and if i let my stomach get too empty. I try to manage it myself, figure out what is causeing it... but i don't know. I've tried all sorts of things. So if i go to the dr then i feel like a hypocondriac and like i will be too sick to care for my kids... So i don't go... and it hurts.

I made us late getting to church... i made us late yesterday for aidan's christmas caroling...and again today for church... Damn showers!

MY house is a MESS>>.. and by mess i mean paths from the kitchen to the family room to the bathroom and to the bedrooms. You cannot eat at our dining room table and you cannot set dishes on the sink there is no room.

I went to church today and as i sat there singing a song i hadn't heard before it said the words... failure... I burst into tears... trying so hard not to shake and not to make a scene, not to be noticed at all. In my head i cried "LORD..." and that's all that i could even cry in my head... I couldn't even say... "HELP ME" i couldn't say "Lord I've failed you" I was a mess...

So you see my problem... I feel like a failure... But tomorrow is a new day... with a clean slate, and the ability to start new! Hopefully it will be better and i will feel like a better mother, wife, woman, and Child of the most high King!

Aidan; Aidan attempted to conquer his fear of heights and go on the roof with dad. After some tears he got to the top step of the ladder, posed for a picture and got down. I WAS SO PROUD! He did his best... I don't tell him enough! Other than that he played with his sister and we went to church followed by dinner at Lolo's!

Kendra... Had a tea party in her brothers room. It was kinda funny! She played dress up in a nice dress not a dress up dress... but hey she will only fit in it for so long.

Karly: Karly is actively working on her tooth... I can faintly see it beyond the swelling. She bit on my finger and cried, so its just right there! She ate diced apple baby food today for the first time. She is so cute picking up the little bites and putting them in her mouth. So much work!

fireplaces

2009-12-12T21:19:00.000-08:00

A week ago a man came to my house to work on my fireplace. He told me that his wife had written down the days events and about what each child had done almost everyday of their lives... I thought this was way cool and have started journaling the good the bad and the ugly. But i find typing so much more efficient... so i am going to try to do so on my blog. I'm going to try blogging daily... (let's see how long this lasts for)! : )

Aidan: Slept in (of course on a day mama couldn't) got up and we got ready for his Christmas caroling at a retirement community. We got there 5 mins late and that was all it took to completely miss the entire thing! He cried and i almost cried as well... What a failure i felt like! There was so much frustration and chaos in trying to get all three ready and out the door... The rest of the day he played on his Wii and with his sister. The night ended in bath time with his two sisters (may have to stop that soon) and cuddling by the fire!

Kendra: Day started late also slept in! : ( Why can't they do that on days when i can??? She is completely obsessed with being "super" which means a super hero. I asked her if she was a super hero and she said "NO mama i am super princess" I said "super hero princess?" She said " NO MAMA SUPER PRINCESS!!!!" ohhhh! She was also sad she didn't get to help brother sing... After singing we went to Lowes where she threw a tantrum in the cart and had to go to the car early... The day ended with bath, cuddling and play super!

Karly Jae: Is a jewel. She really is darling and a delicate little bird, although she growles! She doesn't like it when her sister and brother yell like they did while getting their pictures taken in front of the fireplace. She slept in this morning till 830 only nursed once last night... Wow my boobs hurt this morning! She is still creeping across the floor.. won't be long till she crawls. She got a bruise on her forehead by banging it on the mantel! : ( She is so happy... I just want to hold her all day and never put her down!

JAson and I : I feel like i failed by getting out of the House late and missing something important to aj. I am already planning next years ugly sweater party... It will be fun... especially bc i will not be nursin or preggers... Jay put up smoke detectors... and is waiting not very patiently for me to get off the computer so he can play his games!

Something new??!!??

2009-11-08T20:59:00.000-08:00

Started a photography website! My fun little hobbie is quickly growing into a passion. I've had a couple shoots and have some more in the plans! Can't Wait! Check it out!

AlisonWPhotography.blogspot.com

Family- Forced friend... or just Foe?

2009-09-11T11:02:00.000-07:00

i'm not the best friend maker, i don't pride my self in my many female friends. Most of my friendships have come along in a way that is convenient, my good friend Jamie is my husbands best friends wife, my hair dresser is one of my closest, my friend Janae who i've known since birth because of my dad. The one thing i have learned... Each one takes a certain amount of maintenance, some more than others. I would be there for them, i've grown to love them, and if they had a life changing event, i would hold their hand. so the question is when it comes to family...IS FAMILY A NAME YOU EARN AND MAINTAIN OR SOMETHING THAT IS SIMPLY FORCED,EXPECTED AND UNCONDITIONAL?

Just one more day

2009-08-29T14:50:00.001-07:00

Karly is 5 months and 9 days old today.
She rolls over, plays with her toes, smiles all the time, blow raspberries, and laughs. She is perfect! two and half month ago i was facing the scariest moments of my life and they FOREVER changed me. Dr's told me my child would most likely need a very invasive skull surgery, and that was the best case scenario. Years of physical therapy, possible repeat surgeries, and plastic surgery was our future. God stepped in and intervened and we got out of it with a baby and a slightly lumpy head! If he had not i would be preparing right now to put her through the first of multiple surgeries. This is the age my friends lost her sweet boy after a seemly simple surgery. I look back and all the feelings of " I SIMPLY CANNOT DO THIS GOD, I WILL NOT" screamed with clenched teeth and teary eyes come back! I vow to NEVER take for granted, I have my perfect baby and she is healthy and i love her more than words. I don't have to. God swooped in a saved the day. And everyday from that day forward i will remain thankful. One more day i get with my beautiful family. One more day i get to instill in my children a thankful, obedient, god like spirit! One more i day to try to make my heavenly daddy proud...

Price Check on Tampons-Super Plus- Sented!

2009-08-27T18:55:00.000-07:00

So why is it when you are sleep deprived, at your wits end, and grouchy the world seems to go out of their way to step on your toes? Or is it that we just notice the stepping on of the toes more when we are in a weakened state? Really did the lady turn around and scowl at me for no reason-was the brand new male checker just as embarassed as i was when the super plus tampons didn't ring up right- Did the person who cut me off then slam on the brakes and go under the speed limit then stop for a bus before the red blinking lights came on... no there's no excuses for that dude... - My point is... Why does it seems like people go out of their way to irritate you when you are having a down day?

New funny kid story

2009-07-18T16:25:00.000-07:00

Kendra this morning was playing with her bathing suit cover-up, its a tub top and skirt, and i was laying beside her on the ground. She said "mama come here, close yours eyes" So i closed them. She put the tub top over my head as i was giggling and made it into a blind fold. I could see through it a bit and saw her make a little fist, real back, "Close yours eyes mama" and punch me right in the nose... ~July 2009

Kendra was out by the pool with my Dad when she hopped onto the first step. My dad said "Kendra you can't get in the pool, you have to ask first" She yelled "ASK!" ~July 2009

Kendra was feeling a bit feisty the other day. She ran up to her brother and began wailing on him. Hitting him with her hand and every time her hand came in contact with her brothers chest she said "NEE NEE SORRY" "NEE NEE SORRY" "NEE NEE SORRY" (Kendi calls herself "Nee nee") Apparently she was killing two birds with one stone! ~July 2009

Kendra was playing out side my parents house. It is gated off to keep little ones away from the pool. She was on the porch and Diesel (my brother huge American Bull Dog) was on the pool side of the fence. Suddenly she runs back into the house with a giant slobbery arm and a big scratch on her chest, she was screaming and crying hysterically. She points at her chest and screams "Diesel scratched my booby" My mom gave her a sympathetic look trying to hide her smile and giggles, when Kendra ran out the door to the gate looked diesel in the eye and began to stomp her foot, finger pointed, scowl on her face and tell him off "diesel you don't huwt my booby, you don't cratch my booby diesel bad boy!" ~July 2009

Aidan and Kendra either play nicely together in the car, fight in the car, or play alone. Most of the time they fight! The other day they were playing quietly by there selves, Aidan had a transformer Kendi had a Tinkerbell, who she calls Belle-belle. Quietly Aidan started singing the transformer song "transformers, robots in disguise" i turned and smiled at him because he is just so cute when Kendra started to sing "belle belle belle belle in disguise" to the tune of the transformers song . ~June 2009

July- Mommy got a new camera

2009-07-16T13:08:00.000-07:00

So plumpy

Lost tooth

Riding in your underwear

Thinking Naughty thoughts

Cuppy

About to hurt the dog

Rolls everywhere

Tasty hand

bad BAD hair day

Look at his eyes

We like to play naked

plumpy tumpy

BIG EYES

Thinking about rolling over

I'm still very much learning. In fact i have NO IDEA what i am doing but it sure is FUN!

My funny kids:

2009-07-09T08:28:00.001-07:00

Funny things my kids come up with!

Kendra was out by the pool with my Dad when she hopped onto the first step. My dad said "Kendra you can't get in the pool, you have to ask first" She yelled "ASK!" ~July 2009

Kendra was feeling a bit feisty the other day. She ran up to her brother and began wailing on him. Hitting him with her hand and every time her hand came in contact with her brothers chest she said "NEE NEE SORRY" "NEE NEE SORRY" "NEE NEE SORRY" (Kendi calls herself "Nee nee") Apparently she was killing two birds with one stone! ~July 2009

Kendra was playing out side my parents house. It is gated off to keep little ones away from the pool. She was on the porch and Diesel (my brother huge American Bull Dog) was on the pool side of the fence. Suddenly she runs back into the house with a giant slobbery arm and a big scratch on her chest, she was screaming and crying hysterically. She points at her chest and screams "Diesel scratched my booby" My mom gave her a sympathetic look trying to hide her smile and giggles, when Kendra ran out the door to the gate looked diesel in the eye and began to stomp her foot, finger pointed, scowl on her face and tell him off "diesel you don't huwt my booby, you don't cratch my booby diesel bad boy!" ~July 2009

Aidan and Kendra either play nicely together in the car, fight in the car, or play alone. Most of the time they fight! The other day they were playing quietly by there selves, Aidan had a transformer Kendi had a Tinkerbell, who she calls Belle-belle. Quietly Aidan started singing the transformer song "transformers, robots in disguise" i turned and smiled at him because he is just so cute when Kendra started to sing "belle belle belle belle in disguise" to the tune of the transformers song . ~June 2009

when i grow up

2009-06-30T17:27:00.000-07:00

When i grow up i am going to invent Nannies that give Mommies sick days!!!! This morning i was preparing dinner (crock pot chicken spaghetti) barfing in the sink while holding three month old Karly. THen kendra comes in an starts rambling off the things she wants to eat and between that and the raw chicken i loose it... ihead for the sink and hope its clear cuz THAR SHE BLOWS>... When kendi grabs my leg and sits on my foot. I CRANE my neck and stretch my body and pull my leg with all my might! It all ended well... except for my poor coffee which came back up with a vengeance. So ... back to my original thought... I am going to invent Nannies that are covered under your insurance to come in when mommies are sick and daddies are at work. They come in and be mommy for the day, week, month whatever the DR orders... Don't steal my idea... I'm so gonna patent it!

I'm simply giddy!

2009-06-13T15:19:00.000-07:00

Giddy.... Giddy... Giddy...........GIDDY

The diagnosis!

2009-06-12T13:28:00.000-07:00

We got to the Dr. late...We sat in the room for a long while... The Dr came in Examined her head... looked at the Ct scan and said " i have good news for you, there is no chance of craniosynostosis! Not now, not ever!" THANK YOU JESUS! Then he said she has a positional deformity that can totally be corrected by having her lay on her other side!!! Seriously we got outta there without even a helmet! We all had a bit of a cry when the Dr. left the room!
Thank you for everyone's support and prayer! We truly have never felt so lifted up and carried! We are very blessed! Thank you!
I got three perfectly healthy babies! I am so blessed!

Just a reminder

2009-06-12T06:00:00.000-07:00

It dawned on me this morning... I am much like my two year old! If i tell her "nope no candy" she sits on the ground and cries, sometimes there is tantrum involved. If i tell her "yeah you can have a piece" I am the best mom in the world and most of the time this warrants a hug and an "I wuv ou mommy"
So why am i like that with God, my Papa? Where you lead i will follow? UNLESS... i don't like where you are going, and in that case i will sit on the ground and cry, kick, scream, and QUESTION your ability to be GOD! Seriously? So if the Dr. says "yea Karly is fine" Oh Papa you are the best God, completely in control, thank you Jesus, its a MIRACLE! If the Dr. Says "Karly's gonna die, Karly's gonna be mentally retarded, Karly's gonna need surgery" "why God WHY? WHY ME? Ohh mercy! " Then i would most likely question his ability to lead 'me', and rebuke the devil, as if God wasn't LEADING me.
I am writing this to remind myself. It is 6am and the unknown is killing me.... BUT ALI God is leading you HAVE TO follow!

friday 9am

2009-06-11T16:34:00.001-07:00

Tomorrow is the day... i think i might throw up

Update... sorta

2009-06-09T19:54:00.000-07:00

So i really have very little to update on. We have a Dr. Apt with one Dr. Zouros a pediatric Neurosurgeon at loma Linda hospital on Friday at 9am.

How are we doing? Jay is calm and positive but i have caught him holding her and crying... Never a good sign when you husband is showing weakness.... Aidan and Kendi are good, mostly normal. Aidan asks questions once in a while and kendi is a fire ant as always.

How am i doing? I really thought i was doing good. I really want a new camera, my old one kicked the bucket. So i have been kinda obsessed with finding the perfect one. I also have been cleaning alot... i was laughing to myself today thinking i was finally nesting... kinda late for a nest the egg hatched almost three months ago! So i was cleaning today and sat on the couch to feed Kar and i felt short of breath, then my heart started racing or skipping beats or something along that line. I first thought asthma, then heart attack (I'm very dramatic that way) then i realized i was having a panic attack. Something i have done before. I was diagnosed with ADD in Junior high and when things get too outta control i start having panic attacks, but usually they start with me crying, not me watching TLC and nursing a baby. I think it snuck up on me how scared i really am. I know, i say it, but i don't think i have DELT with it. I realized that i want a camera so bad because what if she isn't here with me very much longer, what if she isn't normal looking for a long time or never again. I realized i have been cleaning so that i am able to focus on dealing with the worse case scenarios. So i guess i could be doing better.

As far as Karly goes, here are the possible scenarios i can see at the moment;

Worse case scenario (besides death of course)

She is physically or mentally handicapped due to damage to come or damage from an existing condition.

The slightly better scenario is the MAJOR.... HORRIBLE surgery to correct her skull shape.

The best case scenario

We get outta there with a helmet and physical therapy.

What we know at the moment:

THe bad news: her sutures (soft spots) are too close together

The good news: They are not closed YET

The bad news: she is showing signs of being developmentally delayed.

Yesterday i was looking at the link on my page under my blog list (on the right) titled Hayley Collins, her baby is 4 weeks and 2 days younger than Kars and he can hold his head up WELL. He can hold his entire chest of the ground. When you set Kars on the ground she goes face first into the carpet... No jokes please... I give her ample tummy time everyday and this last week i have been working with her on it. She is not getting better. I believe her head holding up skills are about that of a baby the age of 4 weeks. Seeing Hayley's son was like a rude awakening. She is behind, there is a problem there! But we don't know what YET.

So Friday morning keep her in prayer. I believe it will be a miracle if we get a "good" diagnosis. When i last saw her pediatrician she attempted to talk me out of the possibility of that it is just a positional problem. Meaning she lays in the same way. Because she has a bald spot or thin spot all the way around her head meaning she is turning her head by herself. And i knew that. She never really leaves her head the same way.

Well to leave you with something a little more light hearted. I was trying to get Kendra to come with me to the car to go pick up her Buhbuh (Aidan) when she collapsed on the ground in a most dramatic fashion and announced "Nee nee (her nickname) is dead!!!" as she placed a hand over her forehead!!! SERIOUSLY!!!!!

About a week ago Aidan and Kendi were playing out back i walked out to find them both naked and Aidan was wearing two bike inner tubes. They where between his legs like a thong and up to his shoulders.... I fell on the ground LAUGHING!!!!! I asked him what the deal was and he told me he was a transformer... OKay!?!?!

SO then i look to kendi and say "common Nee nee lets go poopy on the big girl potty and i'll give you some candy" She smiled and then put her hands on her hips and said "NO!" "Nee Nee poops on grass like doggy!!!" Then turned her naked buns around and walked away!

Songs with meaning

2009-06-06T21:36:00.000-07:00

Sometimes i don't know how to word things real well... but i have found comfort and understanding in the words of these three songs..

This first song i sang to myself one night after a fight with Aidan's biological father. He told me he would come in the night and take Aidan and i would never see him again. I was terrified... I look back at that time and wonder how i got through it as i am sure i will look back at this time and wonder the same thing... I sang this song through my tears holding my precious baby boy not knowing what tomorrow held and found comfort. This is a Rich Mullins song...

Well, sometimes my life Just don't make sense at all When the mountains look so big And my faith just seems so small
So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf You have been King of my glory Won't You be my Prince of Peace

This song was more during the period in my life right after i had my very first (of 5) miscarriages. I was almost 4 months along and hit a wall of depression afterwards... I felt so alone. This is a Barlow girl song.

I cried out with no reply

And I can't feel You by my side

So I'll hold tight to what I know

You're here and I"m never alone

And though I cannot see You

And I can't explain why

Such a deep, deep reassurance

You've placed in my life

We cannot separate 'Cause

You're part of me

And though You're invisible

I'll trust the unseen

This last song is for my NOW... I am soooooo scared. I don't know if i can do this. I occasionally break down and throw tantrums much like Kendra does... Today i looked over at Jason hold Karly on the couch and he was crying. His tears were landing on her head. He doesn't get emotional, he doesn't worry. I don't know what tomorrow is going to hold. and i can say WE are scared! This is a Casting Crowns song.

I was sure by now

That You would have reached down

And wiped our tears away

Stepped in and saved the day

But once again, I say "Amen",

and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls

I barely hear You

whisper through the rain"I'm with you"

And as Your mercy falls

I raise my hands

and praise the God who gives

And takes away

I'll praise You in this storm

And I will lift my hands

For You are who You are

No matter where I am

Every tear I've cried

You hold in Your hand

You never left my side

And though my heart is torn

I will praise You in this storm

I remember when

I stumbled in the wind

You heard my cry

You raised me up again

My strength is almost gone

How can I carry on

If I can't find You

I lift my eyes unto the hills

Where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord

The maker of heaven and earth

update on karly

2009-06-04T20:37:00.000-07:00

When i was a little girl me and my brother shared a bad case of strep throat. We passed it back and forth probably three times. At that time my dad worked as a hospital administrator and so the Dr made house calls..... whatta job perk huh? When the Dr came to the house i said i felt horrible, my throat hurt... pout pout... (i was lying)... i didn't want to go to school the next day! I thought she give me some yummy strawberry syrup to drink before bed and i would get a long weekend with Andy... She looked down my throat, my heart raced, would i get caught? Would she know i was lying... "Yep you got the white patches on the back of your throat, you got it!!!" Wow i thought... that was easy! I'm so smart! She looked down my brothers throat, yup he has it too... SWEET i thought we can play together!She turned and looked worried at my mom "we've given the oral antibiotics so many times this winter i think a shot might be better" OHhhh no! My plan backfired... I ran to the bathroom crying about having to pee, when i came out my brother was pulling down his ninja turtle underwear and aiming a butt cheek at the Dr who was posed with the needle like she was about to throw a dart at his bum! I ran back into the bathroom. I remember sitting on the toilet looking at my feet (which didn't touch the floor yet) and thinking i will just have to tell the truth! So i came out and humbly told the Dr i had made up my symptoms, a total exaggeration on my part, I am sure i will feel just fine in the morning and i will get up and go to school! She looked at me and said "No sweetie you have strep throat you have to get a shot" I RAN, but sadly my dad caught my arm, held me over his knee and gently took down my care bear undies and i got the dart in my cheek!

I feel the same way now. Karly is fine, i just over reacted. She just sat in the birth canal too long, she isn't sick and won't be sick. She is FINE physically and MENTALLY!!! There's no need for a pediatric Neuro SURGEON!!! There's no need to Loma Linda... I over reacted... I worry too much...

The bottom line is i am scared i will get the shot anyway. I am scared i really do have strep throat. I am scared i will never see her as normal. Although i will love her NO MATTER what... I am afraid!

We have an appointment with a Dr. Zorro... So lets hope he is as heroic as his name implies and we are on our way with little more than a helmet and a follow up appointment... Right now i am running low on hope! How many HMO's can get two referrals submitted and approved in less than one week, one in the same day???

What if God takes her from me?

2009-05-31T21:00:00.000-07:00

I WILL POST UPDATES AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS POSTING

The most painful thing i have ever done, more painful than childbirth, is watch my kids go through pain. Right now we don't know what is wrong with Karly. We do know that her head is growing abnormaly.
It started last wednesday May 27th at a well baby checkup. I mentioned to the dr that her head was lopsided. She examined and got quiet. She then said.. "i'm going to go get a second opionion..." While she was gone i thought the worst... They're gonna come back with a helmet and tell me she has to wear it! I was so wrong. She came back with a sad look on her face... "we think she may have something call craniosynotosis, which is where the plates in her head that are supposed to be seperate (soft spots) harden prematurely" My heart sunk. I knew what she meant. I knew it meant surgery... I cried all the way home. She called with an STAT appointment to get an xray the very next day. When i got home i looked in my medical books and i googled it... Basically it has to be corrected, or her brain will get smashed and she will loose her eyesight and/or become mentally retarded and/or die! My first thoughts are... My good friend lost her baby after a way less invasive surgery at 5 months of age... He died in her arms!

The surgery it self goes something like this... they pull back the skin on your forehead and face, saw out the part of the skull that is fused, break it into little pieces, and put it back! This is a picture of the typical jagged incision. This is not a picture of karly!!!! This is alittle boy who went through the same surgery.

So you can imagine my fear... Terror actually. I told my husband i couldn't do... She is two months old... I can't... i won't.... What if God takes her from me? He sent His son to die on a cross for us... but HE KNEW THE HE WOULD RISE>... i get no guarantees... I can't do this!

After the Xray appointment she asked us to come back in to see her husband (also a dr) for an additional opinion. He said basically the same thing but we have to wait out the XRay. Friday the 29th the doctor called me bright and early with a sad sound in her voice... the xrays were back. They Radiologist said they couldn't confirm or rule out the presence of suture closer but that at bare minimum the sutures are too close together and the xray is not looking good... The Dr wants an emergency CT scan. We rush to a radiologist friend of my Dad's in Beverly hills that same day. We are there by 1pm... I cried the whole way there.... This is a picture of me holding Karly's chin still in her CT Scan... I was crying and hadn't showered in over 24hrs....

The radiologist read the report right then. He said he could RULE OUT closure of the sutures, although he is not use to looking at baby heads so has no way to know what the size of the sutures should be. He did confirm some pretty bad asymmetry of her head. Which leaves us with a whole lot of questions. Its possible she still has craniosynostosis and we just caught it early. In this picture the left side of her head is more round and more swollen.

In this top view of her head the right side of the picture is more round and fuller.

In this picture the side of her head on daddy's chest is bigger.

So basically we know not much, other than her head is abnormal in a bad way... Please pray for her... We have our 5th and 6th opinions tomorrow as well as a check with her primary Dr... We have fedexing of xrays to the Beverly hills radiologist and fedexing of CT scans to a Pediatric neuro surgeon... a word i would love to never have to say again...

UPDATE: June 1st- Dr called this morning said she is not going to continue getting 4th and 5th opinions and is going to just transfer her where she needs to be and that is Loma Linda Children's Hospital. I feel like that is great that we aren't having to push things but it also scares me that she is moving things along so quickly... maybe because its THAT serious...

Update: June 3rd- Karly's Dr called and said she is being referred to a pediatric neuro-surgeon. I guess i though she was just going to be transferred to a pediatrician at Loma Linda not a neuro surgeon... This is kinda scary! I asked if she thought that it would be best to see a surgeon because she still feels she MAY need some sort of a procedure and she said yes. So i guess we are still far from being done like i had hoped!

The last four months

2009-05-23T09:32:00.000-07:00

From February till March 20th my life could not have moved any slower. On March 20th my life hit overdrive. Here are the last couple months in pictures.

February- Kendra singing tweentle tweentle liddle dars (twinkle stars) in the tubby

March- Me two weeks till exploding!

Aidan pretending to be me- the little darling....

and Kendra!

AT LAST!!!! The first time... ever i saw your face....

Going home March 22nd

In her cradle March 25- Found out she lost 12 ounces!!! The doctor is worried and her jaundice is too high! But with round the clock feedings every hour so she puts on weight and kicks the jaundice!

Daddy's girls! Today she weighs 6.6lbs so she gained 6 ounces is 3 days!!! Yea~

MArch 31 ~~~~~~7lbs... Yea!

7 days old!

First Bath

One very tired mama!

Toilet paper war at nana's! APRIL

Aidan's sisters! Karly is 8 .13lbs now April 8th

Good night kisses!

1 Month old! ~~~~9.13lbs~~~~

Tu tu!!!

Size does matter... Kendi's diaper next to Karly's.

Aidan's Soccer Game!

Aidan show-n-telling his new sister

Big Bear trip march 30!!!

May 5th DisneyLand!!!!! MAY

Having Karly at Disneyland was so fun. I 'wore' her all day long. She went on all the rides right along with me. She slept the whole time!

My healthy girl. Went to the doctor on May 11th for a checkup. They weighed her and she was 8.3lbs. Which means she lost a pound and a 1/2!!! The doctor started talking about failure to thrive and that i needed to bottle feed and record her feedings every hour and see him back in three days. If she had not gained wt we would either admit her or hook her up to some sort of feeding tube! OF course i was in tears and histerical. When i look at her she looks like she has gained!!! I went to the breast feeding clinic to insure that i was doing it right. They took her and gave me the pitty look after i told her about the wt loss. The nurse gently assured me that this just happens sometime... i know as a nurse that it is usually do to a lack of bonding though... This baby has been BONDED with! They gently place her on the scale and .... 10.8lbs.... Her doctors scale was BROKEN!!! I cried with joy!!! So i got my self a little plumpy!

May 20 2009 She is currently a healthy 11 lbs!!!

I LIKE 'EM BIG!! I LIKE 'EM CHUNKY!!! I LIKE 'EM ROUND... I LIKE 'EM PLUMPY!!!!

This last two months have felt like the quickest months of my life. It is amazing how slow the end of the pregnancy feels then life soars by the second your baby takes their first breath! Karly is such a good baby. She rarely cries, sleeps & eats well, and just started to smile and coo. I couldn't be more in love with her! My life is very blessed!! I am a bit tired though!

There are no words...

2009-04-18T16:09:00.000-07:00

Waked-up hair

Daddy's hands

Monkey Monkey

Tears

Thank you Jake and Jessica Mariano. You are the most amazing photographers ever!!!!

Motherhood-honesty!

2009-04-11T18:37:00.000-07:00

So on Oprah last week was the authors of the book 'I'd trade my husband for a housekeeper'. On Oprah's show they encouraged mothers to be honest with their struggles, and to stop putting up a front for the world to see, to maybe be an honest to goodness truly DESPERATE housewife. I'm gonna give it a try. Hey if there are any other mom's out there that want to share their struggles as well, maybe i won't feel so alone!
To be desperate to me means buying 'food' that i think doesn't deserve to be in the edible category (mac n cheese, spaghetti o's, et) and serving it for dinner and lunch multiple times this week, making a conscience decision to fall asleep while peeing because 30 seconds is better than no seconds, figuring out that you can scream and cry AS LOUD as you want in the garage as long as the dryer is going and no one will hear (at least i think), feeling guilty (but only for about 5mins) for actually duct taping Kendra's diaper on to avoid the poop smearing incident we had last week, having a toddler escape your grasp and make a run for it in a PARKING LOT and being on a hill so i can't let go of the basket with the newborn in it therefore being forced to choose between your children, and lastly being so mad at Kendra for stealing the joy of having a newborn, stealing my sleep, being the reason i cry...
This has been the hardest season of my life. Harder than being a single mom, harder than being a full time student and a mom, harder than being a working mom, harder than being a newly wed with no clue and a mom. This is the last time i will have a newborn. I want nothing more than to cuddle up on the couch with my three children and read them a book, but that story always ends in Kendra punching her brother, brother crying, mommy spanking, Karly crying. We all knew kendi was a strong willed child but i don't think anyone knew she would act like this. I am trying new things to get my family under control but i still feel the need to write supper nanny a letter. We'll see how it goes. But as for now, i feel i have failed. Maybe not completely as a mother but at least i feel i have failed kendra. I don't know where the line is. Where do i say "okay you won" or do i keep spanking, giving time outs, yelling and crying? I really miss looking at her and wanting to hold my sweet girl, instead of wondering what she is about to do. I love her, i love ALL my kids more than life. There's a saying... Having kids is like allowing your heart to walk around outside your body...
How's that for honesty!

Karly

2009-03-31T07:57:00.000-07:00

On Wednesday March 18th my parents left on a vacation/business trip after much whining from me. I was quickly falling apart in my 38th week of pregnancy and felt i needed my mommy. On Thursday i woke up and was sore and tired so i decided to get out of my crazy messy house and go put together a bag of tricks for my kids ( a backpack full of little toys and snacks just in case they got stuck at the hospital with me for a while) i came home put the bag together, and took a nap. i woke up having some contractions but they were far apart and irregular. Kendra got HORRIBLE diarrhea from a prune juice mishap (she was constipated and jay and i both gave her prune juice not knowing the other had already) She always hides to do the dooty, usually behind the couch. I saw her hidding and got up to find that she was sitting in her dooty. So i cleaned the carpet and spent the rest of the day bathing her, cleaning her, washing her clothes, and running to the potty with a squirty child.

Jay left for work around 4 and i made the kids tuna casserole. I finished AJ's homework, put the kids to bed and at about 8pm started taking note that my contractions were NOT irregular anymore. Approx. 9 mins apart and PAINFUL, i decided that i can NOT go into labor, my mommy is in Mexico and my husband is at work! I know false labor stops if you change positions, drink lots of water, and eat something. So i did all of that! By 10pm they were 8 mins apart and more intense. I decided it was time to wash the smelly tuna dishes just in case. I call jay and he doesn't call me back... At 10:30 i call my aunt, she may be driving me down the hill... At 10:45 Jay calls i tell him i need him to come home by this time they are 5-7 mins apart and intense! He get home at 11 ish and we wake the kids and put them in the car. I cry all the way down there. My mom is going to miss this. My aunt tries to get a hold of her and she says they can't leave till daylight... My mom is going to miss this... : ( By the time i get there they are a steady 2 mins apart and i am starting to fear a car delivery . I get checked in and settled around 1:40 on the 19th. They monitored me and yup, good contractions every 2 mins. I think because of all the stress i wouldn't let myself relax. My contractions weren't doing any good. They made me get up and walk, even if my mom wasn't there i couldn't go home now. This was happening.

I walked and labored all night. I passed women's rooms who had just delivered. One woman had a used set of forceps sitting on the table, i almost barfed! They finally admitted me at like 6 am. I had said before that i wanted NO pitocin, and try for no epidural. By 7 am i was sooo tired already that i new there wasn't much hope if i didn't get the party started. The night shift nurse said she thought i would have her by noon. My parents HOPED they would be back by 2pm. They are going to miss it! Slowly progressing. I never thought i would like having a boy dr, but let me tell you, MEN have longer fingers and it hurts a WHOLE lot less when they do a vag exam! My sweet Dr came in and checked me. Amped up the pitocin and told me to hang on to my booty. At noon my parents got there. No baby yet! I was still at about a 5. But they were there. At 6 my dr broke my water and i tried for a while to not get the epidural but i failed... It freaking hurts! Shortly after that Karly's heart rate started dropping when i had contractions. We found our selves holding our breath during every contraction. Finally the nurse turned off the pitocin, gave me oxygen and rolled me to the side....

FUNNY SIDE NOTE: when one has an epidural, one looses the ability to discretely pass gas. One passes at the bodies free will and one has NO CONTROL over it!!! i would fart... then say sorry....

At 8 pm my contractions had almost completely fizzled out! I knew i was headed for a c-section! at 8:15 my night shift nurse came in and all but had a fit that i was STILL THERE! She said lil karly was tired of being smushed so lets get her outta there! She amped up the pitocin and i was on my way. My parents tired hungry, and slightly delirious, went to the cafeteria to eat.. i told my husband to do the same, after all last time they checked i was only at a 6. i rolled over and tried to sleep a bit. I started feeling funny around 9:45 I looked at my contractions and they were OFFF FFF FF FFF the chart!!!! I texted my mom ( mom i need you) i was afraid i would throw up and i had no ability to move so i would have to do so on myself! My mom came running back and i told her to tell jay and everyone else to NOT come in my room smelling like food or i would kick them out!... I was sooo nauseated. They called the nurse who brought me these silly little kidney bowls... seriously if i am going to barf i am going to need more then a dixie cup to barf in!

at 10:05 the nurse comes in and checks me... She says your at a 10 but the baby is still very high... lets try some practice pushes then we will sit you up and gravity.... So she kicked everyone out. i had to beg for my parents and his mom... but that saddest part was my aunt who had been there through IT ALL, was there first and paid her dues, got kicked out too...

i practice pushed her right into the birth canal! So i got this baby completely crowing... My mom could see hair... and the nurse says ok that enough i'm gonna call the Dr... WHAT??? THE DR NOT HERE???? WHAT I CAN"T PUSH??? The feeling is like whne you have reallllly bad diarrhea and you sit on the toilet and someone tells you to hold it. There's no way! During the day we had discovered part of the reason for this ever last labor, karly's heart beat issues, and my back pain was that karly was facing the wrong way. Babies are supposed to come out facing the ground or your booty... Karly was sunny side up... face up. This leads to higher risks of shoulder dystocia. Where the shoulder gets stuck on my pubic bone, alot of times has to be dislocated to be birthed. I know i can't push without the dr because of that. But during this time of INTENSE pain my husband was leaning over me and trying to help me breath through the contractions. I feel something that feels like a giant cork screw up in my vajayjay. I figure this was the moment she choose to turn the way she was supposed to. The nurse says the Dr will be there in 20 mins... This is at like 10:10...At 10:40 i was gettin pissed! He came in at 10:45 put on a gown... three pushes she was out! I saw her and cried. She's beautiful. 10:48PM - Karly Jae Whitsell 6lbs 12 ounces 19 1/2 inches- with a small amount of BLACK hair!!!

The next 48 hours were a blurr of complications, pain, and joy! Karly had to have her tummy pumped because she wasn't keeping any food down, they she got bad jaundice, they she lost too much weight, but now were are all fine and she is growing so well!

Mom-hood

2009-03-09T19:58:00.000-07:00

On a serious note: I have learned that being a mom, and a wife, means that things change daily. You either adapt or your house gets really messy, or children get hurt, or your husband gets frustrated, et... So my fear lately is simply this; Can i adapt to this third quickly approaching child? Or will life become complete chaos, more so than it is already? Will Kendra hurt this child, will i go crazy trying to keep Karly safe? Will Aidan get pushed to the side, because he doesn't DEMAND attention by putting things up his nose? Will Kendra try to kill us all in the night for revenge? I usually by this point in my pregnancy have begun the major nesting thing. In Kendra's pregnancy i already had all the baby clothes, toys, diapers, neatly organized. Her cradles sat draped with a sheet to protect it from dust next to my bed. I would daily find SOMETHING new to scrub... the baseboards, ceiling fans, et. I had made double meals for a month and frozen the other portion.
This pregnancy i have not nested yet. I have no cradle. I barely packed our bags. I only have the clothes in the hospital bags washed and ready, nothing else. I AM SOOOO NOT READY! Yet tomorrow is the first day no one will stop my labor. I won't be told to sit down and put my feet up if the contractions start... AND THEY WILL. I guess the point is, I'm scared. I am afraid of trying to adapt to this one. I'm not afraid i won't love her, i am afraid i won't have time to bond with her! So this is why i think i have not nested. I'm not ready.

Bad day... But thats ok because the diver has a penis

2009-03-06T20:07:00.000-08:00

So i have had a bad day... I blogged just a couple days (okay weeks) ago about kendi getting sick. She has only been off of antibiotics for about 5 days now. Last night she woke me up at 1am to tell me "eeawws hut" (ears hurt) and then did the 'its a dog, its a seal?' cough. I took her temp, yep 101. SO same symptoms different week i guess. I just don't know what to do with her. I don't understand all of her sicknesses. On top of that i saw my Ob/gyn last Tuesday, he said to stop taking the anti-contraction medication on Tuesday, so reasonably i could have another baby in... YIKES... 5 days..... OMG! So back to the diver has a penis... So i spent the day trying my best to pack my hospital bags, do all of Karly's laundry, and get at least the diapers put away, all while practically holding kendi on my hip.
I was amazed that i was able to even think about dinner, but i managed to pull a Martha Stewart and make some seriously awesome microwave hots dogs, complete with no vegetables... wait is ketchup a veggie???? Then my husband has the audacity to be late, because someone just HAD TO GO ROB THE DEL TACO AT GUN POINT... hey they probably got some veggies in their dinner.. Anyway, so i eat with the kids, put kendi to bed after a 1/2 gallon of cough syrup, montrin, and benedryl, and sit down with Aidan to play a rousing game of mouse trap... All's fine and dandy till Aidan points out that the diver has a penis! I of course have to examine the diver, and yup it looks just like a penis...

So then my husband shows up, and Aidan meets him at the door with the diver and my husband announces that "we're suing mousetrap, that would get us at least 5 grand for traumatizing our poor child..." I laughed... I laughed till i almost peed... I laughed till i had a painful contractions that reminded me not too.

Nose update: This week kendi has put up her nose, one raisin, one small toy gun, one apple seed, and some fish food...

Baby update... I'm too fat to comment on that one at the moment... But at my last dr apt... we were running late so all four of us were crammed into a tiny room to await the dr. A nurse walks in with a sheet and says, "you get a vag exam today, take your pants off and use this (napkin size) drape." So i am sitting bare ass, and Aidan is off to the side giggling, and Kendra poops... a VERY STINKY POOP!!! So i am sure when the doctor walked in he wanted to turn around and leave. How was he to know it was Kendra?

Alarm clocks

2009-02-09T08:36:00.000-08:00

For years the sound of an alarm clock makes my heart race and anxiety spring up. Just that annoying repeating sound. There are occasional commercials on TV so i would spring for the remote and mute them. I hate the sound of alarm clocks.

After i became a mom there are two new sounds that have joined the reaction alarm clocks get. Its a seal barking!?!?!? Its a dog barking!?!?!?! NOOO IT'S MY CHILD WITH A CROUPY COUGH OR AN ASTHMA ATTACK!!!! The other sound is cough- cough.... silence... cry... The sound of a kid throwing up! These two sounds can bring me out of the deepest sleep. They make me bolt across the house hurdling child gates, toys, and rocking horses. They make me think as clearly as i have ever thought before, grabbing a spare trash can, towel or inhaler. They are the dreaded noises in the night (its the only time they really seem to happen, right?)

My poor kendi has been sick lately. It started with a midnight cough-cough....silence... cry and progressed into "ears owwie mama" ... followed by, its a dog, its a seal.

Last night i shared my bed with Aidan because the last two nights in a row he has slept walked. So until i get little alarms on the doors to notify me of entering or exiting he will sleep with me. IN the midst of his kicking the crap outta me and stealing the covers kendi starts crying.. She can't breath. I sat for the rest of the night rocking her in her rocking chair so she could breath. Its moments like that, that i truly feel needed. I truly feel like a mom, and in the quiet dark with my baby on my chest, i secretly enjoy it. Soon she will be too big to rock.

My boy is 7

2009-02-02T18:31:00.000-08:00

OKay i suck at making pictures go in order... So this is the end of the birthday party.. Aidan was trying to watch a movie Happy 7th Birthday little Man!

An attack on spongebob!

My boy started playing soccer this last couple of weeks. He is sooo good at it!

Kendi and Whoo whoo... She is sure that it is a monkey and she calles all monkeys whoo whoo's because that is what they say... whoo whoo is my mom's new puppy Winnie.. she's a labradoodle... Yup fluffy and all...

As for an update on the peas... Kendi has since stuck up her nose: Meatloaf : one raisin: 1/2 Kix cereal: Prechewed dog food: piece of carrot: some mashed banana: Another raisin: 1 skittle: 1 mushed blueberry: and approximately 3 nerds! I'm getting use to it now. She just thinks it's funny! Her poor sinuses! Most of these foods come out with a common snot rocket except for raisins... they swell F.Y.I.!!

My boy turned 7 on the 28th which was so huge for me. 7 years ago i became a mom. My life was changed forever. 7 years ago right now i was wondering if his dad would ever be a dad and thinking maybe i should marry him to protect Aidan. My theory was that if i was there in his life at least biodad wouldn't have him by himself. If i had i would have spent 5 years of Aidan's 7 with a husband in jail. I thank God almost daily for giving me guidance through my parents and mentors. I also am still in awe of my husband who stepped into the roll of father when Aidan was 2 1/2 and never has stopped. He amazes me.

As for the newest baby whitsell... I am starting to wonder if we are all sure she is a she... I mean i saw with my eyes the girly parts, but everytime i go to the store people say 'so your having a boy' every one of them! With my other two kids people always guessed right. I have also had 2 dreams where i had a fat little baby boy! (one of them he was 10lbs in YIKES) So i dunno... maybe i will take a pair of blue jammies just in case.

I have a doctor appt on thursday... Hopefully i haven't gained toooooo much weight! YIKES.

No PEAS please!

2009-01-24T19:34:00.000-08:00

I love peas... I serve them with most dinners.

I have said before that Kendra preys on the weak, the sick, the tired, and the hugely pregnant! Lately i feel weak and hugely pregnant (house size) most days but last night kendi had me up 6 times in the 5 hours of sleep i got. SO i got to add tired to my list this morning. She knew it! She woke up with a bang. Insisting i get her juice before i had even gotten to her room to let her out (we cage her in at night {gate on her door } for fear of being attacked in our sleep) I got her juice and she threw it on the ground apparently she wanted apple not orange! The day progressed as i thought it would, i spent the day following her, disciplining her, picking up after her and getting nothing on my list done!!! She did EVERYTHING naughty she could today. So dinner tonight was a healthy fish sticks, tator tots, and peas... the meal i make when Kendra has won! As i was falling asleep in my tots i hear an odd sniffing noise... its a familiar one... I look to see kendi with one finger in her left nostril while she is blowing out the right! She put a pea up there. I look and yup all i see is green. I plug left nostril, glare at Aidan who is laughing so hard he fell outta his chair, and tell her to blow. She does, it soars at her high chair tray, bounces off and the dog catches and eats it before it hits the ground!

At this point i am laughing, Aidan is laughing to the point of not breathing and kendi thinks she is the funniest lil thing ever!

Later that night i notice that even when no one is looking she is still covering her left nostril and blowing, the sticking her finger up there, and repeat... Could it be that there was more than one pea??? I get a flash light and see nothing but nasal septum... and a boogie! I call my husband, my mom, and nobody was available to tell me if the warrants a trip to the ER. So i call the expert. Tamar... a mother of 4. There is no way she has gone this whole time without one of them putting something up their nose! (come to find out one of them put a bumble bee up their nose, that trumps a pea) She told me to get the nasal aspirator/snot sucker and try sucking the bugger out... I did... nothing happened... So it is a mystery... Is there another pea up there... or maybe multiple peas. My husband says we can wait it out and go tomorrow or Monday, which is good cuz the ER in the high desert at night is plain SCARY! I will you keep you updated...

Baby Whitsell 3D ultrasound

2009-01-09T13:53:00.000-08:00

Looks like Kendra's Profile Whitsell Double Chin... Although mom has one at the moment...

Sucking on toes.

Playing with Toes

Holding Foot

So we had a very last second ultrasound on Tuesday (6th). I already had a doctor appointment and all went well. He said that i am showing some signs of pre-eclampsia which i already new, and that the baby was measuring big... kinda scary! Other than that all is well. I called the nearest, cheapest, bestest... yeah i know not a word... ultrasound place which is in riverside. They said i have only two more prime weeks where the baby isn't too smooshed. Well aidan is on break only till Monday so either we take him outta school or i make an appointment for the same day as my doctor since i was already most of the way there.

We got there and i told the lady that we didn't want to know the sex... She said well then you wont see anything but face... is that okay.. I put on a HUGE POUT ... nnoooo i wanna see toes, belly, booty, et. So jay gave in and the deal was if we saw it then oh well, but she wouldn't look for it or point it out. the SECOND she placed the Ultrasound on my belly we saw the the baby had both feet up by it's ears and i saw a VAJAYJAY... i looked at her with big eyes and she said did ya see it... and i was like i think i saw girly parts. and she was like do you wanna know and of course i said ya. She said yep its another girl! YEA!!!! Two girls, two tutus, three PMSing... Just kidding... We are really happy. So i looked at jay and he said "YOU KNOW!" and i said ya but i will play dumb i won't tell you. He said he wanted to know so I said its a Karly.

Karly Jae- Means Darling little bird.

Poor Aidan cried alittle when he found out. He really wanted a boy. He said his friend would make fun of him when he comes to school with bruises from being tackled by his sisterS. Then he asked if we could "just put baby gates around them mom!" Since then he has seen some silver lining like NEVER having to share his room or boy toys. He seems to be okay with it now.

december in reverse

2009-01-02T09:08:00.000-08:00

Christmas day 2008. The perfect day. Kids woke up to his and hers big wheels. But that didn't slow them down too much. Then we went to my moms to spend the day eating yummy food... My doctor will probably ask if i had a little extra whip cream with my pie this year... Going backwards (partly bc i haven't figured this bloggin thing out yet) Xmas eve at aunt Sally's. So much fun, especially after cousin Amanda gave Aidan a Nerf gun.

After all the snow melted... yes i said snow on the desert... daddy and kiddo's had fun wrestling in the leaves!

After the snow came two kids with bad colds!

2 sick kiddos on a daddy!

Snow... Seriously!

A snowman in my backyard... whowouldathunkit

it started snowing on the 17th and didn't stop. They had to call a half day for all the school because the parent where worried about gettin their kids. I picked Aidan up way before that after my husband told me that all the desert rats where driving like dingbats due to the fact that desert people aren't use to any weather other than wind!

Like i said.... Snow seriously!

Baby update: Still doing great... still having contractions... I am trying to really get control of my thoughts as far as preterm labor. It seems to help. We hit a milestone this week. If i had the baby this week the baby's survival rate jumped from 60% last week to 80-90% this week. I guess a vital lung milestone was met. So that helps a bit. As of the 1st i am with a hospital that has a NICU !!!! YEA!!!!! My first doctor apt is on the 6th. On the 7th of this month i will be exactly 3 months away from my due date.... lordy time flies. As of today i have 13 weeks and 3 days to go.. wow! We came up with a girl name... Karly Jae Whitsell... It means Darling little bird... NO BOY NAMES AT ALL... Suggestions anyone???? i'll give you an update if the Dr says anything on tuesday... Happy new year all!

False alarm # 236

2008-12-15T20:49:00.001-08:00

Today i had my second major false alarm with the pregnancy. The first one was 3 weeks ago at 21 weeks and then again today at 24. Today was very uneventful, i wrapped christmas presents, had brunch with my mommy, it rain/snowed all day... it was a good day till 2:30 when i was trying to pick up aidan from school. I was sitting there then all of a sudden i had this contraction, this is normal i just wait for them to pass, but this one kept getting stronger and stronger till i found myself panting through it... I brushed it off as the baby stretching during the contraction or something, but there was the pressurey pain in my hips. I went to my moms house and a hour later the pressure was still very much there. I told my mom that i was gonna go home and rest but by the time i got home i was panicing.. Contractions were commin 4 mins apart and the pressure felt like the pressure right before the urge to push... I got home and told my hubby to pack up the kids we're goin to the hospital. We are in the middle of insurance limbo land, my good insurance doesn't kick in till the 1st.. so i call current hospital which quickly says... DON'T COME HERE you need a NICU. So then i think saint mary's or victorvalley has one we'll go there, but my insurance company says i have to be far enough away from Desert Valley (current hosp) in order for it to cover me.... SO what do we do... Drive down the snow infested pass to San Antonio hosp... That should be a good enough distance healthnet... TAKE THAT! All the way there my contractions where comming at exactly 2 mins apart! We were FREAKING. All i could think about was we have no name. This baby may be born today and may only live for mins and it doesn't have a name!
The hospital's great, i didn't even get to my seat in the ER before they had a wheel chair for me. I barely got in bed before they gave me the awesome contraction stopper shot (awful side effects but works like no other) Soon no more contractions and the nurse reassures me that my original thoughts of baby stretching were probably correct. She said i have a hyper active uterus, which is why coffee can put me into labor as it did the first time. She said something as simple as skipping a meal or not getting enough water could do it. Then once i get a couple regular contractions my body starts the whole flight or fight thing and there's no way to stop it other than the awesome shot.... So once again... Kinda embarrassed. Feel like a drama queen. But at least the baby is still cookin!

O Christmas tree...

2008-12-10T13:45:00.000-08:00

Starting about 2 weeks before thanksgiving and ending mid-January is my very favorite time of the year. I love this season. I love everything Christmas! I love ice cream snow, hot chocolate, eggnog and all the other terribly fattening things to eat! I love the cold bundly weather. I love it all. I love teaching my kids about the one Birthday that is most important.

We went to Victoria Gardens for a night all about the kids and Christmas. It was soo much fun. We ate dinner... Here is kendi eating ribs with my Dad... Those are her "big eyes".

We posed in front of the gi-normous tree... Never went as well as we would have liked!

We rode the Choo Choo... Note to self: in three month may want to ride again... so bumpy would likely send you into labor!

and we posed with Santa. It was just supposed to be kendi and aj with Santa but she screamed bloody murder so we all sat on his lap... poor Santa!

Over all it was a great night. As far as baby update, nothing new so far. Still contracting some days worse than others. I have a Dr appt tomorrow. We'll see! Hope all is well with everyone!

Ohhh NUTS

2008-12-04T17:14:00.001-08:00

So there are little lessons i learn on an almost weekly basis. Alot of them are things i wish someone had told me... Mostly regarding my children, sometimes my husband, but i think i will start blogging about my hard earned wisdom so that maybe you can steer clear.
When i was a very little girl i remember that my great grandparents always had a bowl of mixed nuts with the shells on them. I hated nuts as a child so i was never interested in them. This last shopping trip i passed a large bin of shelled nuts and thought Aidan would love them. They're a completely healthy snack and a fun project. On top of that i envisioned myself cuddled up with a good book on the couch on a cold winters eve cracking nuts....( i know so never gonna happen nuts or not) but hey you can't shovel if ya have to crack... SO i buy ALOT... Like bags full... and the cracker thingy...
I get home set up my cute bowl of nuts and precede to crack one.... Not only is it hard but they are dangerous weapons of mass destruction! They shoot allllll over the room... maybe there is a secret to it that i don't get but my goodness! So aidan insisted on trying it as well and at that point there were shells from one end of the house to the other so i let him at 'em... I really believe i will never be done cleaning up walnut shells! Not to mention kendi ate as many shells as nuts so its a good possibility the next diaper will be all shelly... and super fun!
Moral: Stick to de-shelled nuts!

Preterm labor

2008-12-01T06:14:00.000-08:00

Amelia the youngest surviving premature baby to date. She was born at 21 weeks. She is developmentally normal for her age. To date she is 2 1/2 years old.

Amelia's feet at birth.
She weighed 9 oz at birth.

On November 24th i started having contractions that were not to intense but very regular. (every four mins.) Due to the holiday commin up the dr's office told me to go to labor and delivery so my Doctor could check me out there. I laid there hooked to machines for a couple hours listening to a chick ABSOLUTELY screaming as she was having her first baby... yikes! They saw on the monitor that i was in fact contracting every four mins. So they gave me a shot a waited to see if they calmed down, and they did. At this point i am asking alot of questions to the nurse and the answers were terribly unpleasant. I was 21 weeks at that point. They said they would not give me meds to stop labor before 30 weeks, and that if i did go into labor they just let nature take its course. She said "even if the baby is born with a heart beat we just let mom hold her till she passes" I thought this nurse was off her rocker... so i made a hasty appointment with my dr who confirmed what she had said. IS THERE ANYTHING MORE BARBARIC? The youngest baby to ever survive was 21 weeks. There are plenty of medications to stop labor even at 21 weeks. SOOOO i am in the market for a new hospital and a more aggressive doctor. I didn't get a diagnosis of pre-term labor yet due to the fact that i am not dilated, but as soon as that happens i need to be at a different hospital, nobody wants a liability. SO i am in need of advice... if you have any let me know.

Husbands and Kids

2008-11-20T19:05:00.000-08:00

I pick up Aidan everyday from school and while waiting the 20 mins i either think, read a magazine, or do something else that my two year old didn't allow me to do. That 20 mins becomes my saving grace on some days. Today my thoughts were on my very patient husband and why i am so insecure about him finding someone else or leaving me. It dawned on me that i have always thought that i could never possibly love someone on a comparable level to my kids. Since i have been a mom for 7 years and a wife for 3 i just assumed he would always be next in line but not equal to. It hit me today that not only is it on the same level but it is equally as frightening.

The first time you hold you child some moms like me panic in this completely overwhelmed thought of how the HELL am i going to protect and raise this child. You find yourself wanting to build a perfect padded room in which you prefect child will reside for the rest of its life. I feel that way about jay. Granted it took three years but it hit me, my sudden irrational fear is a fear a mother has for her child, but the problem is he's grown, and he's a cop. He puts himself in harms way on a DAILY basis and unlike a mother i cannot forbid him to cross the road without holding my hand or.... not play with guns.... I fear that God would allow him to be taken from me in a grown up version of cops and robbers and i panic the same way i do when i think about one of my children being taken. Someone once told me that the first year or two are kinda like marriage boot camp and it is NOT pretty! They were right. They also said after that you can't imagine life without them or to go further can't live without them. I am so glad we have reached this place, and i am glad i had my 20 mins to think about why i was being so childish and insecure. The bottom line is we have reached a new and IMPROVED level of love.

Child birth vs root canal

2008-11-18T12:04:00.000-08:00

So yesterday after 2 months of dental visits, attempts, and referrals, i finally had my root canal... Did you know that pregnant ladies not only get to pass on the glass of wine but they have to go without the "good stuff" that numbs for long enough to do a root canal? Did you know that i had a horrible experience as a child at a dentist and am now TERRIFIED! Did you know they have come up with a new method to inject you with meds.... they drill a HOLE in your gums into your jaw bone and then inject the root of the tooth with a needle and, for me, the second best stuff....

All i have to say is my husband deserves the husband on the year award. I cried... "shook all my feathers off"Said the dental assistant and forced the dentist to tell me to calm down or he would have to stop for my unborn child's safety.... I'm not a baby about much... but i would rather push a 9 lbs baby out of my vajayjay without drugs...

Today i am bruised and VERY SORE...

and all i got was Tylenol.... : (

Cake and Snot Kendi's 2nd Bday

2008-11-16T15:18:00.000-08:00

My sister and Mom...
So Saturday was Kendi's 2nd Birthday. It Was fun.. The pinata only stood up to a couple of hits So Jason and Cory came up with some good ideas... like holding it with their hands...

Look at their faces. Aidan got BOTH of their fingers!!!

They took a break and let Kendi hit it for awhile

Then Aidan hit it out of the park. Look at jay's face... I think he was scared. I may have to wash his shorts for him!

It went well, she acted more like a princess and less like a monkey- See previous posts-

Dancing with Tink

Don't spit on the Cake; Cake and Snot!!!!!!!

Baby update...

2008-11-13T15:48:00.000-08:00

Here's whats going on in my belly...

Month 5 - Half Way Home!
Half the pregnancy has now passed, and the baby is about 12 inches long.
The mother has definitely begun to feel movement by now. If a sound is especially startling, the baby may jump in reaction.
Babies are routinely saved when born prematurely at 21 to 22 weeks after fertilization, and in some cases, even younger – babies have lived when born at 19 weeks!

So Baby Hogarth is definitely moving around in there. I can really feel him or her. Aidan can't wait to feel her. I cannot imagine what it would be like to still have two Hogarth's in there. At the last ultrasound i was told he weighs 9 oz...

Desperately seeking baby names....

2008-11-12T14:16:00.000-08:00

We cannot come up with ANY names we like.

There's my list : Girl: Ella, Emma, Rachel, Grace

Boy: No idea

His names : "i dunno but i don't like yours"

He only likes Casey for boy or girl. I use to know a Casey (boy) who was stinky and annoying. NO CASEY. So lately i have been coming up with the worst names i can come up with and refer to the baby as such. This weeks is Hogarth (from the movie iron giant)... So i went to the Dr today said i have gallbladder problems so i am on a low salt -for swelling- and low fat -for gallbladder- diet.. yea! But hey maybe i won't gain 100lbs...
BUT Hogarth got a big thumbs up. Afp (test for down syndrome) came back negative YEA!!!! Ultrasound was PERFECT!!! Amniotic fluid perfect. Hogarth has all his or her appropriate working organs.... YEA! Hogarth currently weighs 9oz... Wow! Here are some cute sono pictures.... PLEASE... PLEASE PLEASE give me some names you have heard... We currently need four... A boy first and middle and a girl first and middle...

and it can't be Casey!

Black Tears on Monday

2008-11-11T14:06:00.000-08:00

I always have made fun of those girls who get emotional with ALL their make-up on and end up with these black rivers running down their checks. I got to be one of those girls yesterday.

Yesterday started out great. We had an ultrasound and the tech gave me as much of a thumbs up as she could without a Dr there to ok it. I got to see my little bug squirming around in there. We didn't find out the sex, Jason wants to be surprised! But after the good came the bad... the dentist!

In mid October i broke a tooth. This caused alot of drama and every single Monday since then (Jason's only weekday off) i have had a dentist apt to TRY to fix it. Last time it hurt so bad it was a 9 on Ali's pain scale my 10 was giving birth without any meds! So i was scared, and he couldn't numb me. I almost passed out in the chair and was shaking so badly that he stopped and said "i can't do this" OMG its never good when your dentist says i cant! SO i cried. I love my dentist, i love him like family... I got crap teeth i see him alot! He said i needed to be referred out. He wasn't comfortable trying to figure out of to numb me. This makes him sound bad but there is way too many details to write all down, he is a saint and the best dentist EVER in my book. BUT like i said i know him and the thought of seeing a complete stranger scared me. So i cried, big black tears. He and his staff help me compose myself, they all know me by first name.
I got to the referral office and gave them my info, they called me insurance and called my back up to the window. At this point the numbness my dentist had given me is QUICKLY wearing off, and i have a hole and almost exposed nerve in my tooth. I get there and the lady says.. i got bad news, you don't have anymore insurance allowance. What??? My other dentist had told me i had enough to cover this... She then said no you have nothing and it will be somewhere around $1100... Sooo that's when the black tears made their selves back down my cheeks in a waiting room with complete strangers. Sorry kids no Christmas this year, Santa doesn't love you, because mom's got crap teeth!!! This is when i called my mommy......

They patched my holey tooth and sent me home and as i left said... "oh yeah Mrs. Whitsell the insurance company made a mistake, it will be covered but because its and emergency we will be changing you $395" I GET to go back on Monday but my Christmas will be okay!

Hungry hungry hippo...

2008-11-05T11:13:00.000-08:00

Aidan is forever my sweet and VERY sensitive boy. Yesterday he gets in the car after school and tells me that he is STARVING. I had put leftover pizza in his lunch which was a HUGE treat. So i asked why. He said because someone spit on his food right after he unwrapped it. He threw his pizza away without taking a bite! I was so mad. My sweet boy, no one bullies him! I am going to their pull hair! So i asked him why he didn't tell one of the lunch ladies or why he didn't tell his teacher and he said he didn't want to be a tattle tail. I guess this is a big dilemma for little first graders. They have a hard time telling the difference between tattling, telling on yourself, and betraying a friendship. I told him that next time he MUST tell a lunch lady or teacher and then call me so i can bring him some thing to eat. Poor guy! I called his teacher because i guess this is not the first time this little boy and sprayed someones food with his special mixture of germs and she handled it well. The boy apologized and i don't think Aidan has thought about it again... I still wanna pull his hair

Starbucks anyone???

2008-11-05T10:56:00.000-08:00

Last night I dreamed that i gave my newborn baby (it was a girl) to a strange couple. They were completely unable to take care of her. They smoked in the house (if you could call it a house). The house was condemnable. I left my baby and my baby tortoises. They put the turtles in a bird cage and their little legs were slipping through the wires. It was so clear that both my child and my turtles would not be cared for. I spoke up and said could you not smoke in the house and put the turtles on a hard surface, they ignored me and acted like they didn't understand. I woke up very thankful that it was a dream...but i knew what it meant. That's how i feel about Barack Obama! He has my kids future. Will he take care of them? Does he know what he is doing? Could he even take care of a turtle? He is our leader, i will pray for him and i will try to support him. He just doesn't make me feel secure!

ON a lighter note... I really want some chai eggnog TAMAR!!!

I am having an ultrasound on Monday followed by my second root canal in two weeks. I have crap teeth. I am alittle nervous about the ultrasound but i can't wait to see my baby.
Hope every ones Wednesday is good...

My Kendi is sick

2008-10-27T20:48:00.000-07:00

and its my fault... She has two sippy cups that are exactly alike... I gave her one in the morning and she brought it back empty (so i thought) i refilled it and she finished that at church. When we got home she had this HORRIBLE diarrhea... I mean BAD! I couldn't figure it out. Something in my mommy-spidy-senses told me to wash everything even the sippies... As i took the stopper out of the pink sippy i thought i had given her that morning i saw black mold... ALOT OF IT... i freaked... googled it... then went out and bought a good supply of B.R.A.T. diet food... We are still washing sheets and clothing and we are still having poop issues....

Seriously, i just blogged about poop. I need a life!

summer 2008

2008-10-24T18:36:00.000-07:00

This is Shelly (or Sheldon if its a boy). I guess my turtle (tortoise) laid eggs sometime during the summer. She is maybe the only survivor or the first of many. Jason found her right before he went to step down on her. She is the tiniest thing i have ever seen. Kendra says "mama see cuuuuuute" Which means lift me up and hold me for hours on end to see the cute turtle...

These are some pictures of the kids Kendra and Aidan at the Big Bear Zoo...

My husband and his mini me!

My Daughter the Monkey

2008-10-24T07:39:00.000-07:00

After i had Aidan i was never afraid to take him anywhere. He adapted quickly. He didn't need a schedule, he'd sleep anywhere, he was patient, sweet brave- even through the terrible twos. He NEVER threw a tantrum and had maybe 6 time outs and 3 spankings. He was and IS just GOOD and EASY! I would go out in public to a restaurant or to the store and people would comment on how sweet my little boy was. Of course this went straight to my head, at that time i was still a single parent (with A LOT of help from my parents) I thought to myself... you could do this parenting stuff with one hand tied firmly behind your back AND blindfolded! I should have 6 perfect kids and write a book! I could be the next Dr. James Dobson or the next T. Berry Brazelton!

After much struggle we got pregnant with our next perfectly compliant child. I couldn't wait to show off my experienced mothering skills! She popped out perfectly but in the next year her personality popped out as well.

When i was a little girl I really wanted a baby spider monkey. I would have gladly loped off one of my limbs for one. I soon discover they are illegal in California so i would have to move out of state. High school came and went and my dream faded. Sometime during my pregnancy with Aidan i watched a documentary on monkeys as pets. Basically they ripped away from their mothers days after birth. Both mother and baby are FOREVER traumatized and cry actual tears as any human would do. Monkeys are only 2 chromosomes away from humans... thus they have many of the same emotions we do. They are taken away from their mommy monkey to appease the new human mother. The baby monkeys are very clingy and have random and VIOLENT mood swings. They will cuddle you for a second then send you to the ER for 150 stitches and an appointment with a plastic surgeon.

Now back to Kendra. She is a monkey- minus the hair. This morning she woke up cute and cuddly she told me she wanted juice and cereal, then ran to her chair and pointed for me to sit. I sat she placed she head on my shoulder and snuggled in. Her wild blond hair sticking up in every postion was tickling my nose, it would have to wait, if i move she may attack. Then the unthinkable- i sneezed!.... it was all over. She pushed away from me hard with a furrowed brow and a scowl. I giggled. Big mistake. She threw her bowl of (dry) cereal across the room. I told her that was "naughty business" and to clean it up. She arched her back and slid off the chair and landed on her belly (looked like it hurt) THEN the scream. The scream that woke sleeping brother, Daddy and my hibernating turtles. She woke up my neighbors and my parents (who are currently in Mexico) After my ears stopped bleeding i came to the conclusion. She is a baby monkey. I am afraid to take her into public, for fear of the NEGATIVE comments and parenting advice i get from random strangers. I won't take her out to eat for fear of the flying french fries that will hit some unsuspecting stranger in the head. Don't get me wrong, we are dealing with the tantrums and we DEFINITELY disciplining her but i am as equipped to write a parenting book as Britney Spears' mother is!

Pregnancy for me= 9 months of fear

2008-10-22T15:04:00.000-07:00

As most people know I am currently working on my 8th pregnancy. Yep i said 8. Every time i go to the doctor the nurse asks and i say 8 and she turns and looks at me with either a look of shock or horror, then it turns to either a look of disgust (is she a crack whore who didnt know how to use birth control and has had 8 abortions) or a look of amazement (does she has 8 kids) By this time they usually have managed to see the part of my file marked *habitual spontaneous aborter* Then their look turns to sympathy and they usually mumble a 'sorry' before asking "have you had ANY live births" ~~~NICE!~~~ For those who may not know I've had two, My beautiful- perfect- sweet- sensitive- old car lovin- boy Aidan who will be 7 (YIKES) in January, and my fiery- spirited- pretty- girly- glittery- pink- fluffy- princess- girl kendra who will be 2 (also YIKES) in November.
We have figured out that my body refuses to help out with the hormone Progesterone during the first 10 weeks of life. So once they figured that out we got me some meds that make me barf and i thought i was set. This is why we put our faith in God not man! Its not fool proof. My thoughts are they synthetic stuff cant be as good as the perfect God made stuff.
This pregnancy started like most. Jay and i hold our breath until the 11th week and the Dr. McD tells me its smooth sailing from that point on. Its scary when your Dr is wrong alot! Maybe he just knows me and my serious case of worry-wart-itis!
This last ultrasound i had wasn't great. My amniotic fluid is low and they couldn't get a good look at the heart. I said i was going to try to be a big girl and not stress... But soooo much easier said than done. So i remind myself that this is ... i repeat IS the LAST pregnancy (good bad or ugly) that i will have and if i spend my time waiting for some horrible thing to go wrong i will miss the joy of feeling peanut flutter.
So today i will be joyful. Today i will be!

Trying something new

2008-09-22T15:23:00.000-07:00

I think I am the last person on earth to start blogging but nows as good a time as any. I am a stay at home Mom and thus get out and have adult conversations very rarely, so i thought maybe this would be a good outlet for all the unsaid words that get dumped on my husband first thing in the morning (he works nights)!