Alarm clocks

For years the sound of an alarm clock makes my heart race and anxiety spring up. Just that annoying repeating sound. There are occasional commercials on TV so i would spring for the remote and mute them. I hate the sound of alarm clocks.

After i became a mom there are two new sounds that have joined the reaction alarm clocks get. Its a seal barking!?!?!? Its a dog barking!?!?!?! NOOO IT'S MY CHILD WITH A CROUPY COUGH OR AN ASTHMA ATTACK!!!! The other sound is cough- cough.... silence... cry... The sound of a kid throwing up! These two sounds can bring me out of the deepest sleep. They make me bolt across the house hurdling child gates, toys, and rocking horses. They make me think as clearly as i have ever thought before, grabbing a spare trash can, towel or inhaler. They are the dreaded noises in the night (its the only time they really seem to happen, right?)

My poor kendi has been sick lately. It started with a midnight cough-cough....silence... cry and progressed into "ears owwie mama" ... followed by, its a dog, its a seal.

Last night i shared my bed with Aidan because the last two nights in a row he has slept walked. So until i get little alarms on the doors to notify me of entering or exiting he will sleep with me. IN the midst of his kicking the crap outta me and stealing the covers kendi starts crying.. She can't breath. I sat for the rest of the night rocking her in her rocking chair so she could breath. Its moments like that, that i truly feel needed. I truly feel like a mom, and in the quiet dark with my baby on my chest, i secretly enjoy it. Soon she will be too big to rock.