Thursday, November 20, 2008

Husbands and Kids

I pick up Aidan everyday from school and while waiting the 20 mins i either think, read a magazine, or do something else that my two year old didn't allow me to do. That 20 mins becomes my saving grace on some days. Today my thoughts were on my very patient husband and why i am so insecure about him finding someone else or leaving me. It dawned on me that i have always thought that i could never possibly love someone on a comparable level to my kids. Since i have been a mom for 7 years and a wife for 3 i just assumed he would always be next in line but not equal to. It hit me today that not only is it on the same level but it is equally as frightening.

The first time you hold you child some moms like me panic in this completely overwhelmed thought of how the HELL am i going to protect and raise this child. You find yourself wanting to build a perfect padded room in which you prefect child will reside for the rest of its life. I feel that way about jay. Granted it took three years but it hit me, my sudden irrational fear is a fear a mother has for her child, but the problem is he's grown, and he's a cop. He puts himself in harms way on a DAILY basis and unlike a mother i cannot forbid him to cross the road without holding my hand or.... not play with guns.... I fear that God would allow him to be taken from me in a grown up version of cops and robbers and i panic the same way i do when i think about one of my children being taken. Someone once told me that the first year or two are kinda like marriage boot camp and it is NOT pretty! They were right. They also said after that you can't imagine life without them or to go further can't live without them. I am so glad we have reached this place, and i am glad i had my 20 mins to think about why i was being so childish and insecure. The bottom line is we have reached a new and IMPROVED level of love.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Child birth vs root canal

So yesterday after 2 months of dental visits, attempts, and referrals, i finally had my root canal... Did you know that pregnant ladies not only get to pass on the glass of wine but they have to go without the "good stuff" that numbs for long enough to do a root canal? Did you know that i had a horrible experience as a child at a dentist and am now TERRIFIED! Did you know they have come up with a new method to inject you with meds.... they drill a HOLE in your gums into your jaw bone and then inject the root of the tooth with a needle and, for me, the second best stuff....

All i have to say is my husband deserves the husband on the year award. I cried... "shook all my feathers off"Said the dental assistant and forced the dentist to tell me to calm down or he would have to stop for my unborn child's safety.... I'm not a baby about much... but i would rather push a 9 lbs baby out of my vajayjay without drugs...
Today i am bruised and VERY SORE...
and all i got was Tylenol.... : (

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Cake and Snot Kendi's 2nd Bday

My sister and Mom...
So Saturday was Kendi's 2nd Birthday. It Was fun.. The pinata only stood up to a couple of hits So Jason and Cory came up with some good ideas... like holding it with their hands...

Look at their faces. Aidan got BOTH of their fingers!!!

They took a break and let Kendi hit it for awhile

Then Aidan hit it out of the park. Look at jay's face... I think he was scared. I may have to wash his shorts for him!

It went well, she acted more like a princess and less like a monkey- See previous posts-

Dancing with Tink

Don't spit on the Cake; Cake and Snot!!!!!!!

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Baby update...

Here's whats going on in my belly...

Month 5 - Half Way Home!
Half the pregnancy has now passed, and the baby is about 12 inches long.
The mother has definitely begun to feel movement by now. If a sound is especially startling, the baby may jump in reaction.
Babies are routinely saved when born prematurely at 21 to 22 weeks after fertilization, and in some cases, even younger – babies have lived when born at 19 weeks!
So Baby Hogarth is definitely moving around in there. I can really feel him or her. Aidan can't wait to feel her. I cannot imagine what it would be like to still have two Hogarth's in there. At the last ultrasound i was told he weighs 9 oz...

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Desperately seeking baby names....

We cannot come up with ANY names we like.

There's my list : Girl: Ella, Emma, Rachel, Grace

Boy: No idea

His names : "i dunno but i don't like yours"

He only likes Casey for boy or girl. I use to know a Casey (boy) who was stinky and annoying. NO CASEY. So lately i have been coming up with the worst names i can come up with and refer to the baby as such. This weeks is Hogarth (from the movie iron giant)... So i went to the Dr today said i have gallbladder problems so i am on a low salt -for swelling- and low fat -for gallbladder- diet.. yea! But hey maybe i won't gain 100lbs...
BUT Hogarth got a big thumbs up. Afp (test for down syndrome) came back negative YEA!!!! Ultrasound was PERFECT!!! Amniotic fluid perfect. Hogarth has all his or her appropriate working organs.... YEA! Hogarth currently weighs 9oz... Wow! Here are some cute sono pictures.... PLEASE... PLEASE PLEASE give me some names you have heard... We currently need four... A boy first and middle and a girl first and middle...
and it can't be Casey!

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Black Tears on Monday

I always have made fun of those girls who get emotional with ALL their make-up on and end up with these black rivers running down their checks. I got to be one of those girls yesterday.

Yesterday started out great. We had an ultrasound and the tech gave me as much of a thumbs up as she could without a Dr there to ok it. I got to see my little bug squirming around in there. We didn't find out the sex, Jason wants to be surprised! But after the good came the bad... the dentist!

In mid October i broke a tooth. This caused alot of drama and every single Monday since then (Jason's only weekday off) i have had a dentist apt to TRY to fix it. Last time it hurt so bad it was a 9 on Ali's pain scale my 10 was giving birth without any meds! So i was scared, and he couldn't numb me. I almost passed out in the chair and was shaking so badly that he stopped and said "i can't do this" OMG its never good when your dentist says i cant! SO i cried. I love my dentist, i love him like family... I got crap teeth i see him alot! He said i needed to be referred out. He wasn't comfortable trying to figure out of to numb me. This makes him sound bad but there is way too many details to write all down, he is a saint and the best dentist EVER in my book. BUT like i said i know him and the thought of seeing a complete stranger scared me. So i cried, big black tears. He and his staff help me compose myself, they all know me by first name.
I got to the referral office and gave them my info, they called me insurance and called my back up to the window. At this point the numbness my dentist had given me is QUICKLY wearing off, and i have a hole and almost exposed nerve in my tooth. I get there and the lady says.. i got bad news, you don't have anymore insurance allowance. What??? My other dentist had told me i had enough to cover this... She then said no you have nothing and it will be somewhere around $1100... Sooo that's when the black tears made their selves back down my cheeks in a waiting room with complete strangers. Sorry kids no Christmas this year, Santa doesn't love you, because mom's got crap teeth!!! This is when i called my mommy......

They patched my holey tooth and sent me home and as i left said... "oh yeah Mrs. Whitsell the insurance company made a mistake, it will be covered but because its and emergency we will be changing you $395" I GET to go back on Monday but my Christmas will be okay!

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Hungry hungry hippo...

Aidan is forever my sweet and VERY sensitive boy. Yesterday he gets in the car after school and tells me that he is STARVING. I had put leftover pizza in his lunch which was a HUGE treat. So i asked why. He said because someone spit on his food right after he unwrapped it. He threw his pizza away without taking a bite! I was so mad. My sweet boy, no one bullies him! I am going to their pull hair! So i asked him why he didn't tell one of the lunch ladies or why he didn't tell his teacher and he said he didn't want to be a tattle tail. I guess this is a big dilemma for little first graders. They have a hard time telling the difference between tattling, telling on yourself, and betraying a friendship. I told him that next time he MUST tell a lunch lady or teacher and then call me so i can bring him some thing to eat. Poor guy! I called his teacher because i guess this is not the first time this little boy and sprayed someones food with his special mixture of germs and she handled it well. The boy apologized and i don't think Aidan has thought about it again... I still wanna pull his hair

Starbucks anyone???

Last night I dreamed that i gave my newborn baby (it was a girl) to a strange couple. They were completely unable to take care of her. They smoked in the house (if you could call it a house). The house was condemnable. I left my baby and my baby tortoises. They put the turtles in a bird cage and their little legs were slipping through the wires. It was so clear that both my child and my turtles would not be cared for. I spoke up and said could you not smoke in the house and put the turtles on a hard surface, they ignored me and acted like they didn't understand. I woke up very thankful that it was a dream...but i knew what it meant. That's how i feel about Barack Obama! He has my kids future. Will he take care of them? Does he know what he is doing? Could he even take care of a turtle? He is our leader, i will pray for him and i will try to support him. He just doesn't make me feel secure!

ON a lighter note... I really want some chai eggnog TAMAR!!!

I am having an ultrasound on Monday followed by my second root canal in two weeks. I have crap teeth. I am alittle nervous about the ultrasound but i can't wait to see my baby.
Hope every ones Wednesday is good...