Friday, October 24, 2008

My Daughter the Monkey

After i had Aidan i was never afraid to take him anywhere. He adapted quickly. He didn't need a schedule, he'd sleep anywhere, he was patient, sweet brave- even through the terrible twos. He NEVER threw a tantrum and had maybe 6 time outs and 3 spankings. He was and IS just GOOD and EASY! I would go out in public to a restaurant or to the store and people would comment on how sweet my little boy was. Of course this went straight to my head, at that time i was still a single parent (with A LOT of help from my parents) I thought to myself... you could do this parenting stuff with one hand tied firmly behind your back AND blindfolded! I should have 6 perfect kids and write a book! I could be the next Dr. James Dobson or the next T. Berry Brazelton!

After much struggle we got pregnant with our next perfectly compliant child. I couldn't wait to show off my experienced mothering skills! She popped out perfectly but in the next year her personality popped out as well.

When i was a little girl I really wanted a baby spider monkey. I would have gladly loped off one of my limbs for one. I soon discover they are illegal in California so i would have to move out of state. High school came and went and my dream faded. Sometime during my pregnancy with Aidan i watched a documentary on monkeys as pets. Basically they ripped away from their mothers days after birth. Both mother and baby are FOREVER traumatized and cry actual tears as any human would do. Monkeys are only 2 chromosomes away from humans... thus they have many of the same emotions we do. They are taken away from their mommy monkey to appease the new human mother. The baby monkeys are very clingy and have random and VIOLENT mood swings. They will cuddle you for a second then send you to the ER for 150 stitches and an appointment with a plastic surgeon.

Now back to Kendra. She is a monkey- minus the hair. This morning she woke up cute and cuddly she told me she wanted juice and cereal, then ran to her chair and pointed for me to sit. I sat she placed she head on my shoulder and snuggled in. Her wild blond hair sticking up in every postion was tickling my nose, it would have to wait, if i move she may attack. Then the unthinkable- i sneezed!.... it was all over. She pushed away from me hard with a furrowed brow and a scowl. I giggled. Big mistake. She threw her bowl of (dry) cereal across the room. I told her that was "naughty business" and to clean it up. She arched her back and slid off the chair and landed on her belly (looked like it hurt) THEN the scream. The scream that woke sleeping brother, Daddy and my hibernating turtles. She woke up my neighbors and my parents (who are currently in Mexico) After my ears stopped bleeding i came to the conclusion. She is a baby monkey. I am afraid to take her into public, for fear of the NEGATIVE comments and parenting advice i get from random strangers. I won't take her out to eat for fear of the flying french fries that will hit some unsuspecting stranger in the head. Don't get me wrong, we are dealing with the tantrums and we DEFINITELY disciplining her but i am as equipped to write a parenting book as Britney Spears' mother is!