Mom-hood

On a serious note: I have learned that being a mom, and a wife, means that things change daily. You either adapt or your house gets really messy, or children get hurt, or your husband gets frustrated, et... So my fear lately is simply this; Can i adapt to this third quickly approaching child? Or will life become complete chaos, more so than it is already? Will Kendra hurt this child, will i go crazy trying to keep Karly safe? Will Aidan get pushed to the side, because he doesn't DEMAND attention by putting things up his nose? Will Kendra try to kill us all in the night for revenge? I usually by this point in my pregnancy have begun the major nesting thing. In Kendra's pregnancy i already had all the baby clothes, toys, diapers, neatly organized. Her cradles sat draped with a sheet to protect it from dust next to my bed. I would daily find SOMETHING new to scrub... the baseboards, ceiling fans, et. I had made double meals for a month and frozen the other portion.
This pregnancy i have not nested yet. I have no cradle. I barely packed our bags. I only have the clothes in the hospital bags washed and ready, nothing else. I AM SOOOO NOT READY! Yet tomorrow is the first day no one will stop my labor. I won't be told to sit down and put my feet up if the contractions start... AND THEY WILL. I guess the point is, I'm scared. I am afraid of trying to adapt to this one. I'm not afraid i won't love her, i am afraid i won't have time to bond with her! So this is why i think i have not nested. I'm not ready.