Wednesday, February 24, 2010

PANIC & chickens

It starts with a flopping feeling in my chest... like my heart has turned into a medium sized trout that is flopping around on the ground desperately gasping for air. Then i start to feel like there is someone bear hugging the air out of my lungs. This is followed by dizziness and weakness... I've had panic attacks all my life. I was told by a Dr. that panic and anxiety disorders go hand in hand with ADD. I told myself all though Karly's pregnancy... just one more year then i can take some medication to help me deal with this anxiety. BUT i got myself knocked up just two weeks shy of medication freedom! The panic attacks started coming more frequently. Its not uncommon to have one before i even get out of bed. In high school they didn't have as bad of heart symptoms but there was ALWAYS massive amounts of tears... So i am thankful for, at least, being able to hide their presence!
Through this all I am taking on my fourth child and a little boy who needs some serious TLC. I am also taking on something i swore i would never do... I'm going to be a homeschooling mom! FYI... i am one of those mom's who is thankful for summer break to be over! Not because i want him to leave, but just because him and his sister fight.. and there's the "mom I'm bored"... Oh LORD!
Lately i wake up,i panic, i pray... "Lord confirm this. How can you ask this of me? How can i, the woman who can't keep toys picked up and the laundry done, be in charge of my childs education? I WILL FAIL! What if i screw his life up more than i already have... Confirm this one more time... Daddy please" .......... and He does... every day! Today he confirmed it with chickens... MY first lesson plan. Chickens.... Their eggs, what came first, God creating them, what happens if you put an egg in vinegar, how similar an egg membrane is to a cell membrane, osmosis, and lastly baby chickens... I wanted the finally to be an incubator and live baby chicks... Looked into it... would cost us around $200.. NOTGONNAHAPPEN... dont want something else to take care of that bad! So at awanas Aidan leader was passing out organic eggs... I asked her about them... She's calling me this week with an incubator to borrow for free and 6 fertile eggs.... He confirmed it with chickens, and encouragement!