Update... sorta

So i really have very little to update on. We have a Dr. Apt with one Dr. Zouros a pediatric Neurosurgeon at loma Linda hospital on Friday at 9am.

How are we doing? Jay is calm and positive but i have caught him holding her and crying... Never a good sign when you husband is showing weakness.... Aidan and Kendi are good, mostly normal. Aidan asks questions once in a while and kendi is a fire ant as always.

How am i doing? I really thought i was doing good. I really want a new camera, my old one kicked the bucket. So i have been kinda obsessed with finding the perfect one. I also have been cleaning alot... i was laughing to myself today thinking i was finally nesting... kinda late for a nest the egg hatched almost three months ago! So i was cleaning today and sat on the couch to feed Kar and i felt short of breath, then my heart started racing or skipping beats or something along that line. I first thought asthma, then heart attack (I'm very dramatic that way) then i realized i was having a panic attack. Something i have done before. I was diagnosed with ADD in Junior high and when things get too outta control i start having panic attacks, but usually they start with me crying, not me watching TLC and nursing a baby. I think it snuck up on me how scared i really am. I know, i say it, but i don't think i have DELT with it. I realized that i want a camera so bad because what if she isn't here with me very much longer, what if she isn't normal looking for a long time or never again. I realized i have been cleaning so that i am able to focus on dealing with the worse case scenarios. So i guess i could be doing better.

As far as Karly goes, here are the possible scenarios i can see at the moment;

Worse case scenario (besides death of course)

She is physically or mentally handicapped due to damage to come or damage from an existing condition.

The slightly better scenario is the MAJOR.... HORRIBLE surgery to correct her skull shape.

The best case scenario

We get outta there with a helmet and physical therapy.

What we know at the moment:

THe bad news: her sutures (soft spots) are too close together

The good news: They are not closed YET

The bad news: she is showing signs of being developmentally delayed.

Yesterday i was looking at the link on my page under my blog list (on the right) titled Hayley Collins, her baby is 4 weeks and 2 days younger than Kars and he can hold his head up WELL. He can hold his entire chest of the ground. When you set Kars on the ground she goes face first into the carpet... No jokes please... I give her ample tummy time everyday and this last week i have been working with her on it. She is not getting better. I believe her head holding up skills are about that of a baby the age of 4 weeks. Seeing Hayley's son was like a rude awakening. She is behind, there is a problem there! But we don't know what YET.

So Friday morning keep her in prayer. I believe it will be a miracle if we get a "good" diagnosis. When i last saw her pediatrician she attempted to talk me out of the possibility of that it is just a positional problem. Meaning she lays in the same way. Because she has a bald spot or thin spot all the way around her head meaning she is turning her head by herself. And i knew that. She never really leaves her head the same way.

Well to leave you with something a little more light hearted. I was trying to get Kendra to come with me to the car to go pick up her Buhbuh (Aidan) when she collapsed on the ground in a most dramatic fashion and announced "Nee nee (her nickname) is dead!!!" as she placed a hand over her forehead!!! SERIOUSLY!!!!!

About a week ago Aidan and Kendi were playing out back i walked out to find them both naked and Aidan was wearing two bike inner tubes. They where between his legs like a thong and up to his shoulders.... I fell on the ground LAUGHING!!!!! I asked him what the deal was and he told me he was a transformer... OKay!?!?!

SO then i look to kendi and say "common Nee nee lets go poopy on the big girl potty and i'll give you some candy" She smiled and then put her hands on her hips and said "NO!" "Nee Nee poops on grass like doggy!!!" Then turned her naked buns around and walked away!