Ladder, apple, tea parties and failure

So today i feel like i failed. I feel like i failed as a wife, as a woman, as a mother, and as a child of God. Have you ever had a day where you feel like an epic failure? That would be my today...
I yelled at aidan. Almost everyday i yell at aidan... and kendra... but i think aidan is hurt by it more. I want to stop... i hate that ugly part of me. I do not feel better after i feel worse... But to make it worse it was for a stupid reason.

I have a stomach ache.. I've had one for about 4 months mayben more now. It hurts first thing in the morning and about 30 mins after each meal, and if i let my stomach get too empty. I try to manage it myself, figure out what is causeing it... but i don't know. I've tried all sorts of things. So if i go to the dr then i feel like a hypocondriac and like i will be too sick to care for my kids... So i don't go... and it hurts.

I made us late getting to church... i made us late yesterday for aidan's christmas caroling...and again today for church... Damn showers!

MY house is a MESS>>.. and by mess i mean paths from the kitchen to the family room to the bathroom and to the bedrooms. You cannot eat at our dining room table and you cannot set dishes on the sink there is no room.

I went to church today and as i sat there singing a song i hadn't heard before it said the words... failure... I burst into tears... trying so hard not to shake and not to make a scene, not to be noticed at all. In my head i cried "LORD..." and that's all that i could even cry in my head... I couldn't even say... "HELP ME" i couldn't say "Lord I've failed you" I was a mess...

So you see my problem... I feel like a failure... But tomorrow is a new day... with a clean slate, and the ability to start new! Hopefully it will be better and i will feel like a better mother, wife, woman, and Child of the most high King!

Aidan; Aidan attempted to conquer his fear of heights and go on the roof with dad. After some tears he got to the top step of the ladder, posed for a picture and got down. I WAS SO PROUD! He did his best... I don't tell him enough! Other than that he played with his sister and we went to church followed by dinner at Lolo's!

Kendra... Had a tea party in her brothers room. It was kinda funny! She played dress up in a nice dress not a dress up dress... but hey she will only fit in it for so long.

Karly: Karly is actively working on her tooth... I can faintly see it beyond the swelling. She bit on my finger and cried, so its just right there! She ate diced apple baby food today for the first time. She is so cute picking up the little bites and putting them in her mouth. So much work!

fireplaces

A week ago a man came to my house to work on my fireplace. He told me that his wife had written down the days events and about what each child had done almost everyday of their lives... I thought this was way cool and have started journaling the good the bad and the ugly. But i find typing so much more efficient... so i am going to try to do so on my blog. I'm going to try blogging daily... (let's see how long this lasts for)! : )

Aidan: Slept in (of course on a day mama couldn't) got up and we got ready for his Christmas caroling at a retirement community. We got there 5 mins late and that was all it took to completely miss the entire thing! He cried and i almost cried as well... What a failure i felt like! There was so much frustration and chaos in trying to get all three ready and out the door... The rest of the day he played on his Wii and with his sister. The night ended in bath time with his two sisters (may have to stop that soon) and cuddling by the fire!

Kendra: Day started late also slept in! : ( Why can't they do that on days when i can??? She is completely obsessed with being "super" which means a super hero. I asked her if she was a super hero and she said "NO mama i am super princess" I said "super hero princess?" She said " NO MAMA SUPER PRINCESS!!!!" ohhhh! She was also sad she didn't get to help brother sing... After singing we went to Lowes where she threw a tantrum in the cart and had to go to the car early... The day ended with bath, cuddling and play super!

Karly Jae: Is a jewel. She really is darling and a delicate little bird, although she growles! She doesn't like it when her sister and brother yell like they did while getting their pictures taken in front of the fireplace. She slept in this morning till 830 only nursed once last night... Wow my boobs hurt this morning! She is still creeping across the floor.. won't be long till she crawls. She got a bruise on her forehead by banging it on the mantel! : ( She is so happy... I just want to hold her all day and never put her down!

JAson and I : I feel like i failed by getting out of the House late and missing something important to aj. I am already planning next years ugly sweater party... It will be fun... especially bc i will not be nursin or preggers... Jay put up smoke detectors... and is waiting not very patiently for me to get off the computer so he can play his games!

Something new??!!??

Started a photography website! My fun little hobbie is quickly growing into a passion. I've had a couple shoots and have some more in the plans! Can't Wait! Check it out!

AlisonWPhotography.blogspot.com

Family- Forced friend... or just Foe?

i'm not the best friend maker, i don't pride my self in my many female friends. Most of my friendships have come along in a way that is convenient, my good friend Jamie is my husbands best friends wife, my hair dresser is one of my closest, my friend Janae who i've known since birth because of my dad. The one thing i have learned... Each one takes a certain amount of maintenance, some more than others. I would be there for them, i've grown to love them, and if they had a life changing event, i would hold their hand. so the question is when it comes to family...IS FAMILY A NAME YOU EARN AND MAINTAIN OR SOMETHING THAT IS SIMPLY FORCED,EXPECTED AND UNCONDITIONAL?

Just one more day

Karly is 5 months and 9 days old today.
She rolls over, plays with her toes, smiles all the time, blow raspberries, and laughs. She is perfect! two and half month ago i was facing the scariest moments of my life and they FOREVER changed me. Dr's told me my child would most likely need a very invasive skull surgery, and that was the best case scenario. Years of physical therapy, possible repeat surgeries, and plastic surgery was our future. God stepped in and intervened and we got out of it with a baby and a slightly lumpy head! If he had not i would be preparing right now to put her through the first of multiple surgeries. This is the age my friends lost her sweet boy after a seemly simple surgery. I look back and all the feelings of " I SIMPLY CANNOT DO THIS GOD, I WILL NOT" screamed with clenched teeth and teary eyes come back! I vow to NEVER take for granted, I have my perfect baby and she is healthy and i love her more than words. I don't have to. God swooped in a saved the day. And everyday from that day forward i will remain thankful. One more day i get with my beautiful family. One more day i get to instill in my children a thankful, obedient, god like spirit! One more i day to try to make my heavenly daddy proud...

Price Check on Tampons-Super Plus- Sented!

So why is it when you are sleep deprived, at your wits end, and grouchy the world seems to go out of their way to step on your toes? Or is it that we just notice the stepping on of the toes more when we are in a weakened state? Really did the lady turn around and scowl at me for no reason-was the brand new male checker just as embarassed as i was when the super plus tampons didn't ring up right- Did the person who cut me off then slam on the brakes and go under the speed limit then stop for a bus before the red blinking lights came on... no there's no excuses for that dude... - My point is... Why does it seems like people go out of their way to irritate you when you are having a down day?

New funny kid story

Kendra this morning was playing with her bathing suit cover-up, its a tub top and skirt, and i was laying beside her on the ground. She said "mama come here, close yours eyes" So i closed them. She put the tub top over my head as i was giggling and made it into a blind fold. I could see through it a bit and saw her make a little fist, real back, "Close yours eyes mama" and punch me right in the nose... ~July 2009


Kendra was out by the pool with my Dad when she hopped onto the first step. My dad said "Kendra you can't get in the pool, you have to ask first" She yelled "ASK!" ~July 2009

Kendra was feeling a bit feisty the other day. She ran up to her brother and began wailing on him. Hitting him with her hand and every time her hand came in contact with her brothers chest she said "NEE NEE SORRY" "NEE NEE SORRY" "NEE NEE SORRY" (Kendi calls herself "Nee nee") Apparently she was killing two birds with one stone! ~July 2009

Kendra was playing out side my parents house. It is gated off to keep little ones away from the pool. She was on the porch and Diesel (my brother huge American Bull Dog) was on the pool side of the fence. Suddenly she runs back into the house with a giant slobbery arm and a big scratch on her chest, she was screaming and crying hysterically. She points at her chest and screams "Diesel scratched my booby" My mom gave her a sympathetic look trying to hide her smile and giggles, when Kendra ran out the door to the gate looked diesel in the eye and began to stomp her foot, finger pointed, scowl on her face and tell him off "diesel you don't huwt my booby, you don't cratch my booby diesel bad boy!" ~July 2009

Aidan and Kendra either play nicely together in the car, fight in the car, or play alone. Most of the time they fight! The other day they were playing quietly by there selves, Aidan had a transformer Kendi had a Tinkerbell, who she calls Belle-belle. Quietly Aidan started singing the transformer song "transformers, robots in disguise" i turned and smiled at him because he is just so cute when Kendra started to sing "belle belle belle belle in disguise" to the tune of the transformers song . ~June 2009

July- Mommy got a new camera

So plumpy

Lost tooth

Riding in your underwear

Thinking Naughty thoughts

Cuppy

About to hurt the dog

Rolls everywhere

Tasty hand

bad BAD hair day

Look at his eyes

We like to play naked

plumpy tumpy

BIG EYES

Thinking about rolling over

I'm still very much learning. In fact i have NO IDEA what i am doing but it sure is FUN!

My funny kids:

Funny things my kids come up with!

Kendra was out by the pool with my Dad when she hopped onto the first step. My dad said "Kendra you can't get in the pool, you have to ask first" She yelled "ASK!" ~July 2009

Kendra was feeling a bit feisty the other day. She ran up to her brother and began wailing on him. Hitting him with her hand and every time her hand came in contact with her brothers chest she said "NEE NEE SORRY" "NEE NEE SORRY" "NEE NEE SORRY" (Kendi calls herself "Nee nee") Apparently she was killing two birds with one stone! ~July 2009

Kendra was playing out side my parents house. It is gated off to keep little ones away from the pool. She was on the porch and Diesel (my brother huge American Bull Dog) was on the pool side of the fence. Suddenly she runs back into the house with a giant slobbery arm and a big scratch on her chest, she was screaming and crying hysterically. She points at her chest and screams "Diesel scratched my booby" My mom gave her a sympathetic look trying to hide her smile and giggles, when Kendra ran out the door to the gate looked diesel in the eye and began to stomp her foot, finger pointed, scowl on her face and tell him off "diesel you don't huwt my booby, you don't cratch my booby diesel bad boy!" ~July 2009

Aidan and Kendra either play nicely together in the car, fight in the car, or play alone. Most of the time they fight! The other day they were playing quietly by there selves, Aidan had a transformer Kendi had a Tinkerbell, who she calls Belle-belle. Quietly Aidan started singing the transformer song "transformers, robots in disguise" i turned and smiled at him because he is just so cute when Kendra started to sing "belle belle belle belle in disguise" to the tune of the transformers song . ~June 2009

when i grow up

When i grow up i am going to invent Nannies that give Mommies sick days!!!! This morning i was preparing dinner (crock pot chicken spaghetti) barfing in the sink while holding three month old Karly. THen kendra comes in an starts rambling off the things she wants to eat and between that and the raw chicken i loose it... ihead for the sink and hope its clear cuz THAR SHE BLOWS>... When kendi grabs my leg and sits on my foot. I CRANE my neck and stretch my body and pull my leg with all my might! It all ended well... except for my poor coffee which came back up with a vengeance. So ... back to my original thought... I am going to invent Nannies that are covered under your insurance to come in when mommies are sick and daddies are at work. They come in and be mommy for the day, week, month whatever the DR orders... Don't steal my idea... I'm so gonna patent it!

I'm simply giddy!

Giddy.... Giddy... Giddy...........GIDDY

The diagnosis!

We got to the Dr. late...We sat in the room for a long while... The Dr came in Examined her head... looked at the Ct scan and said " i have good news for you, there is no chance of craniosynostosis! Not now, not ever!" THANK YOU JESUS! Then he said she has a positional deformity that can totally be corrected by having her lay on her other side!!! Seriously we got outta there without even a helmet! We all had a bit of a cry when the Dr. left the room!
Thank you for everyone's support and prayer! We truly have never felt so lifted up and carried! We are very blessed! Thank you!
I got three perfectly healthy babies! I am so blessed!

Just a reminder

It dawned on me this morning... I am much like my two year old! If i tell her "nope no candy" she sits on the ground and cries, sometimes there is tantrum involved. If i tell her "yeah you can have a piece" I am the best mom in the world and most of the time this warrants a hug and an "I wuv ou mommy"
So why am i like that with God, my Papa? Where you lead i will follow? UNLESS... i don't like where you are going, and in that case i will sit on the ground and cry, kick, scream, and QUESTION your ability to be GOD! Seriously? So if the Dr. says "yea Karly is fine" Oh Papa you are the best God, completely in control, thank you Jesus, its a MIRACLE! If the Dr. Says "Karly's gonna die, Karly's gonna be mentally retarded, Karly's gonna need surgery" "why God WHY? WHY ME? Ohh mercy! " Then i would most likely question his ability to lead 'me', and rebuke the devil, as if God wasn't LEADING me.
I am writing this to remind myself. It is 6am and the unknown is killing me.... BUT ALI God is leading you HAVE TO follow!

friday 9am

Tomorrow is the day... i think i might throw up

Update... sorta

So i really have very little to update on. We have a Dr. Apt with one Dr. Zouros a pediatric Neurosurgeon at loma Linda hospital on Friday at 9am.

How are we doing? Jay is calm and positive but i have caught him holding her and crying... Never a good sign when you husband is showing weakness.... Aidan and Kendi are good, mostly normal. Aidan asks questions once in a while and kendi is a fire ant as always.

How am i doing? I really thought i was doing good. I really want a new camera, my old one kicked the bucket. So i have been kinda obsessed with finding the perfect one. I also have been cleaning alot... i was laughing to myself today thinking i was finally nesting... kinda late for a nest the egg hatched almost three months ago! So i was cleaning today and sat on the couch to feed Kar and i felt short of breath, then my heart started racing or skipping beats or something along that line. I first thought asthma, then heart attack (I'm very dramatic that way) then i realized i was having a panic attack. Something i have done before. I was diagnosed with ADD in Junior high and when things get too outta control i start having panic attacks, but usually they start with me crying, not me watching TLC and nursing a baby. I think it snuck up on me how scared i really am. I know, i say it, but i don't think i have DELT with it. I realized that i want a camera so bad because what if she isn't here with me very much longer, what if she isn't normal looking for a long time or never again. I realized i have been cleaning so that i am able to focus on dealing with the worse case scenarios. So i guess i could be doing better.

As far as Karly goes, here are the possible scenarios i can see at the moment;

Worse case scenario (besides death of course)

She is physically or mentally handicapped due to damage to come or damage from an existing condition.

The slightly better scenario is the MAJOR.... HORRIBLE surgery to correct her skull shape.

The best case scenario

We get outta there with a helmet and physical therapy.

What we know at the moment:

THe bad news: her sutures (soft spots) are too close together

The good news: They are not closed YET

The bad news: she is showing signs of being developmentally delayed.

Yesterday i was looking at the link on my page under my blog list (on the right) titled Hayley Collins, her baby is 4 weeks and 2 days younger than Kars and he can hold his head up WELL. He can hold his entire chest of the ground. When you set Kars on the ground she goes face first into the carpet... No jokes please... I give her ample tummy time everyday and this last week i have been working with her on it. She is not getting better. I believe her head holding up skills are about that of a baby the age of 4 weeks. Seeing Hayley's son was like a rude awakening. She is behind, there is a problem there! But we don't know what YET.

So Friday morning keep her in prayer. I believe it will be a miracle if we get a "good" diagnosis. When i last saw her pediatrician she attempted to talk me out of the possibility of that it is just a positional problem. Meaning she lays in the same way. Because she has a bald spot or thin spot all the way around her head meaning she is turning her head by herself. And i knew that. She never really leaves her head the same way.

Well to leave you with something a little more light hearted. I was trying to get Kendra to come with me to the car to go pick up her Buhbuh (Aidan) when she collapsed on the ground in a most dramatic fashion and announced "Nee nee (her nickname) is dead!!!" as she placed a hand over her forehead!!! SERIOUSLY!!!!!

About a week ago Aidan and Kendi were playing out back i walked out to find them both naked and Aidan was wearing two bike inner tubes. They where between his legs like a thong and up to his shoulders.... I fell on the ground LAUGHING!!!!! I asked him what the deal was and he told me he was a transformer... OKay!?!?!

SO then i look to kendi and say "common Nee nee lets go poopy on the big girl potty and i'll give you some candy" She smiled and then put her hands on her hips and said "NO!" "Nee Nee poops on grass like doggy!!!" Then turned her naked buns around and walked away!

Songs with meaning

Sometimes i don't know how to word things real well... but i have found comfort and understanding in the words of these three songs..

This first song i sang to myself one night after a fight with Aidan's biological father. He told me he would come in the night and take Aidan and i would never see him again. I was terrified... I look back at that time and wonder how i got through it as i am sure i will look back at this time and wonder the same thing... I sang this song through my tears holding my precious baby boy not knowing what tomorrow held and found comfort. This is a Rich Mullins song...

Well, sometimes my life Just don't make sense at all When the mountains look so big And my faith just seems so small
So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf You have been King of my glory Won't You be my Prince of Peace

This song was more during the period in my life right after i had my very first (of 5) miscarriages. I was almost 4 months along and hit a wall of depression afterwards... I felt so alone. This is a Barlow girl song.

I cried out with no reply

And I can't feel You by my side

So I'll hold tight to what I know

You're here and I"m never alone

And though I cannot see You

And I can't explain why

Such a deep, deep reassurance

You've placed in my life

We cannot separate 'Cause

You're part of me

And though You're invisible

I'll trust the unseen

This last song is for my NOW... I am soooooo scared. I don't know if i can do this. I occasionally break down and throw tantrums much like Kendra does... Today i looked over at Jason hold Karly on the couch and he was crying. His tears were landing on her head. He doesn't get emotional, he doesn't worry. I don't know what tomorrow is going to hold. and i can say WE are scared! This is a Casting Crowns song.

I was sure by now

That You would have reached down

And wiped our tears away

Stepped in and saved the day

But once again, I say "Amen",

and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls

I barely hear You

whisper through the rain"I'm with you"

And as Your mercy falls

I raise my hands

and praise the God who gives

And takes away

I'll praise You in this storm

And I will lift my hands

For You are who You are

No matter where I am

Every tear I've cried

You hold in Your hand

You never left my side

And though my heart is torn

I will praise You in this storm

I remember when

I stumbled in the wind

You heard my cry

You raised me up again

My strength is almost gone

How can I carry on

If I can't find You

I lift my eyes unto the hills

Where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord

The maker of heaven and earth

update on karly

When i was a little girl me and my brother shared a bad case of strep throat. We passed it back and forth probably three times. At that time my dad worked as a hospital administrator and so the Dr made house calls..... whatta job perk huh? When the Dr came to the house i said i felt horrible, my throat hurt... pout pout... (i was lying)... i didn't want to go to school the next day! I thought she give me some yummy strawberry syrup to drink before bed and i would get a long weekend with Andy... She looked down my throat, my heart raced, would i get caught? Would she know i was lying... "Yep you got the white patches on the back of your throat, you got it!!!" Wow i thought... that was easy! I'm so smart! She looked down my brothers throat, yup he has it too... SWEET i thought we can play together!She turned and looked worried at my mom "we've given the oral antibiotics so many times this winter i think a shot might be better" OHhhh no! My plan backfired... I ran to the bathroom crying about having to pee, when i came out my brother was pulling down his ninja turtle underwear and aiming a butt cheek at the Dr who was posed with the needle like she was about to throw a dart at his bum! I ran back into the bathroom. I remember sitting on the toilet looking at my feet (which didn't touch the floor yet) and thinking i will just have to tell the truth! So i came out and humbly told the Dr i had made up my symptoms, a total exaggeration on my part, I am sure i will feel just fine in the morning and i will get up and go to school! She looked at me and said "No sweetie you have strep throat you have to get a shot" I RAN, but sadly my dad caught my arm, held me over his knee and gently took down my care bear undies and i got the dart in my cheek!

I feel the same way now. Karly is fine, i just over reacted. She just sat in the birth canal too long, she isn't sick and won't be sick. She is FINE physically and MENTALLY!!! There's no need for a pediatric Neuro SURGEON!!! There's no need to Loma Linda... I over reacted... I worry too much...

The bottom line is i am scared i will get the shot anyway. I am scared i really do have strep throat. I am scared i will never see her as normal. Although i will love her NO MATTER what... I am afraid!

We have an appointment with a Dr. Zorro... So lets hope he is as heroic as his name implies and we are on our way with little more than a helmet and a follow up appointment... Right now i am running low on hope! How many HMO's can get two referrals submitted and approved in less than one week, one in the same day???

What if God takes her from me?

I WILL POST UPDATES AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS POSTING

The most painful thing i have ever done, more painful than childbirth, is watch my kids go through pain. Right now we don't know what is wrong with Karly. We do know that her head is growing abnormaly.
It started last wednesday May 27th at a well baby checkup. I mentioned to the dr that her head was lopsided. She examined and got quiet. She then said.. "i'm going to go get a second opionion..." While she was gone i thought the worst... They're gonna come back with a helmet and tell me she has to wear it! I was so wrong. She came back with a sad look on her face... "we think she may have something call craniosynotosis, which is where the plates in her head that are supposed to be seperate (soft spots) harden prematurely" My heart sunk. I knew what she meant. I knew it meant surgery... I cried all the way home. She called with an STAT appointment to get an xray the very next day. When i got home i looked in my medical books and i googled it... Basically it has to be corrected, or her brain will get smashed and she will loose her eyesight and/or become mentally retarded and/or die! My first thoughts are... My good friend lost her baby after a way less invasive surgery at 5 months of age... He died in her arms!

The surgery it self goes something like this... they pull back the skin on your forehead and face, saw out the part of the skull that is fused, break it into little pieces, and put it back! This is a picture of the typical jagged incision. This is not a picture of karly!!!! This is alittle boy who went through the same surgery.

So you can imagine my fear... Terror actually. I told my husband i couldn't do... She is two months old... I can't... i won't.... What if God takes her from me? He sent His son to die on a cross for us... but HE KNEW THE HE WOULD RISE>... i get no guarantees... I can't do this!

After the Xray appointment she asked us to come back in to see her husband (also a dr) for an additional opinion. He said basically the same thing but we have to wait out the XRay. Friday the 29th the doctor called me bright and early with a sad sound in her voice... the xrays were back. They Radiologist said they couldn't confirm or rule out the presence of suture closer but that at bare minimum the sutures are too close together and the xray is not looking good... The Dr wants an emergency CT scan. We rush to a radiologist friend of my Dad's in Beverly hills that same day. We are there by 1pm... I cried the whole way there.... This is a picture of me holding Karly's chin still in her CT Scan... I was crying and hadn't showered in over 24hrs....

The radiologist read the report right then. He said he could RULE OUT closure of the sutures, although he is not use to looking at baby heads so has no way to know what the size of the sutures should be. He did confirm some pretty bad asymmetry of her head. Which leaves us with a whole lot of questions. Its possible she still has craniosynostosis and we just caught it early. In this picture the left side of her head is more round and more swollen.

In this top view of her head the right side of the picture is more round and fuller.

In this picture the side of her head on daddy's chest is bigger.

So basically we know not much, other than her head is abnormal in a bad way... Please pray for her... We have our 5th and 6th opinions tomorrow as well as a check with her primary Dr... We have fedexing of xrays to the Beverly hills radiologist and fedexing of CT scans to a Pediatric neuro surgeon... a word i would love to never have to say again...

UPDATE: June 1st- Dr called this morning said she is not going to continue getting 4th and 5th opinions and is going to just transfer her where she needs to be and that is Loma Linda Children's Hospital. I feel like that is great that we aren't having to push things but it also scares me that she is moving things along so quickly... maybe because its THAT serious...

Update: June 3rd- Karly's Dr called and said she is being referred to a pediatric neuro-surgeon. I guess i though she was just going to be transferred to a pediatrician at Loma Linda not a neuro surgeon... This is kinda scary! I asked if she thought that it would be best to see a surgeon because she still feels she MAY need some sort of a procedure and she said yes. So i guess we are still far from being done like i had hoped!

The last four months

From February till March 20th my life could not have moved any slower. On March 20th my life hit overdrive. Here are the last couple months in pictures.


February- Kendra singing tweentle tweentle liddle dars (twinkle stars) in the tubby

March- Me two weeks till exploding!

Aidan pretending to be me- the little darling....

and Kendra!

AT LAST!!!! The first time... ever i saw your face....

Going home March 22nd

In her cradle March 25- Found out she lost 12 ounces!!! The doctor is worried and her jaundice is too high! But with round the clock feedings every hour so she puts on weight and kicks the jaundice!

Daddy's girls! Today she weighs 6.6lbs so she gained 6 ounces is 3 days!!! Yea~

MArch 31 ~~~~~~7lbs... Yea!

7 days old!

First Bath

One very tired mama!

Toilet paper war at nana's! APRIL

Aidan's sisters! Karly is 8 .13lbs now April 8th

Good night kisses!

1 Month old! ~~~~9.13lbs~~~~

Tu tu!!!

Size does matter... Kendi's diaper next to Karly's.

Aidan's Soccer Game!

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Aidan show-n-telling his new sister

Big Bear trip march 30!!!






May 5th DisneyLand!!!!! MAY

Having Karly at Disneyland was so fun. I 'wore' her all day long. She went on all the rides right along with me. She slept the whole time!

My healthy girl. Went to the doctor on May 11th for a checkup. They weighed her and she was 8.3lbs. Which means she lost a pound and a 1/2!!! The doctor started talking about failure to thrive and that i needed to bottle feed and record her feedings every hour and see him back in three days. If she had not gained wt we would either admit her or hook her up to some sort of feeding tube! OF course i was in tears and histerical. When i look at her she looks like she has gained!!! I went to the breast feeding clinic to insure that i was doing it right. They took her and gave me the pitty look after i told her about the wt loss. The nurse gently assured me that this just happens sometime... i know as a nurse that it is usually do to a lack of bonding though... This baby has been BONDED with! They gently place her on the scale and .... 10.8lbs.... Her doctors scale was BROKEN!!! I cried with joy!!! So i got my self a little plumpy!




May 20 2009 She is currently a healthy 11 lbs!!!

I LIKE 'EM BIG!! I LIKE 'EM CHUNKY!!! I LIKE 'EM ROUND... I LIKE 'EM PLUMPY!!!!

This last two months have felt like the quickest months of my life. It is amazing how slow the end of the pregnancy feels then life soars by the second your baby takes their first breath! Karly is such a good baby. She rarely cries, sleeps & eats well, and just started to smile and coo. I couldn't be more in love with her! My life is very blessed!! I am a bit tired though!